Tuesday, February 23, 2010


I want certain things for my family.  I pray for them, praise God for all we do have and plead at times for things to turn out the way I think they should.  I do believe God is in control and things work out the way they should for a reason, even if I don’t agree with or understand it.  But to truly believe God is in control…deep down…is a difficult thing for me.  Especially when I think something should happen for someone I love. I reason with God, that “if you just do this, we will see You so much more in our lives.” But that is not truly trusting God to work his plan; my wants are not a bargaining chip for faith.  I am not sure why I wrote this? Maybe a simple visual reminder to myself of the battle going on in my brain right now.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Valentine's Day

Today is the day of  "love" the day to show everyone you love just how much you love them.  The idea of the day is great - take time to say you love a person.  Chief and I did not exchange anything, mostly due to lack of time and saving our budget.  I got the kids each a little something which they enjoyed. 

But honestly, I think it is kind of a silly holiday.  Spending tons of money on flowers that die and endless candy and other things (I think I have Chief convinced NOT to buy me any more roses; I am more of a fresh-cut wild-flower kind of girl and think spending $80 on roses which keel over in just a few days is a waste!).  I think it is the everyday things that show you love someone...the random flowers given for no reason at all or a letter telling someone why they are so special to you.  Those are the things that I love.

One of the best romantic memories I have with Chief was one of our first dates ( I think our 3rd?)... we spent the day wine tasting in Napa.  We went to several, but the one that stands out was one where you take a tram to the top of a hill where the tasting room was.  The day was a perfect spring day - not too hot and not too cool.  Just perfect.  We sat outside on the patio.  It was back in the day when tasting was free and they just kept filling our glasses, brought cheese and crackers.  We just talked for hours.  I don't remember what we talked about, but I do remember after after that day, I knew I was in love with him.  It was just perfect!  Now almost 14 years later, I am still in love with him and it is just perfect... still.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

How I'm Doing

Well, two out of my three main goals for 2010 are going well. I have been keeping up on my reading of the bible and I am making headway on launching photography and should meet my deadline of March 1st.

Losing weight has not gone so well. I am down 3 pounds but that is probably more from being sick the last few days then my mad skills at losing weight. It is curious to me what triggers people to lose with and work at it so diligently. I lost 37 pounds about 4 years ago. I just made a decision and worked at it – no looking back. I ate the right foods – veggies and fruit, did not eat fast food, and drank tons of water. It just clicked.

Here I am again but it has not clicked for me this time yet. I am happy to say I did not gained all 37 pounds back and that is all with turning 40 and having a 3rd baby! But I don’t know what IT was before. My original goal was to lose 50 pounds and to be healthier and shop where ever I wanted. I did that and stopped at 37 pounds because I had meet my ultimate goal of being healthier. I was happy. I can still say I am healthier then I was and can still shop anywhere. But I don’t feel that way deep down.

Some things have clicked for me though - no more fast food. It is not that I eat it that often, but when I do, I feel horrible almost immediately. I am done with being lazy, because that is most often when I eat fast food – I haven’t planned a meal, am running late, whatever. I am better off not eating then eating that stuff and feeling like I have the last few times.

I am not giving up for sure and will keep plugging away. Pray for some more “clicking” to happen for me soon!