Day 26: YoYo Dinners. YoYo stands for "You are On Your Own" for dinner. Everyone knows they can eat what they can find (within reason) and I am off the hook for making dinner.
Day 27: Lizard started basketball and her practice is inside! Hallelujah. I was able to read my book and watch her practice in realtive warmth. I am also thankful she loves basketball.
Day 28: Laying by the fireplace in the evenings.
Day 29: For the multiple kisses and hugs Little Man gives me each morning at school. Once I say "last one" so he knows it is time for me to go, I get five hugs and five kisses (on the lips!) from him and give him a "fake hug" in the air as I walk out of eye site. I have to walk him to his classroom door everyday. It would so much easier to drop him off in the car line (especially on cold, rainy days like today), but I know the time will end very soon that he will not hug and kiss me that way so I am very thankful.
Showing posts with label Little Man. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Little Man. Show all posts
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Monday, November 19, 2012
Thankful: Day 14, 15, 16, 17, 18 & 19
Day 14: My healthy children.
Day 15: A brisk walk with a friend and our puppies.
Day 16: Saying yes at the last minute to arranging a sleepover at our house for Lizard. Sleepovers (and playdates) are not easy for us because of Little Man; it is not a relaxing break for us as it is for most parents when their kids are occupied with their friend. It is MORE work for us. So we don't do them a lot at our house. But it made her smile and for that I am thankful.
Day 17: Heated leather seats. God bless whoever created this feature.
Day 18: A break from soccer for both Soccer Girl and Chief (from coaching). It will be nice to have our activity scheduled lightened significantly.... at least for a few weeks.
Day 19: Little Man and the silly way he says things. He was telling me the time on my digital clock and he said "6-4-E" (cause you know the digital 3 looks like and E!). And he said he can't wait to get his Adams Apple so he can match Dad, except for his face. He also calls Mint Milano cookies (yum) "Limp Pilanos" and remote control cars "Mote Cin-Can-Troll."
Day 15: A brisk walk with a friend and our puppies.
Day 16: Saying yes at the last minute to arranging a sleepover at our house for Lizard. Sleepovers (and playdates) are not easy for us because of Little Man; it is not a relaxing break for us as it is for most parents when their kids are occupied with their friend. It is MORE work for us. So we don't do them a lot at our house. But it made her smile and for that I am thankful.
Day 17: Heated leather seats. God bless whoever created this feature.
Day 18: A break from soccer for both Soccer Girl and Chief (from coaching). It will be nice to have our activity scheduled lightened significantly.... at least for a few weeks.
Day 19: Little Man and the silly way he says things. He was telling me the time on my digital clock and he said "6-4-E" (cause you know the digital 3 looks like and E!). And he said he can't wait to get his Adams Apple so he can match Dad, except for his face. He also calls Mint Milano cookies (yum) "Limp Pilanos" and remote control cars "Mote Cin-Can-Troll."
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Thankful: Day 13
Day 13: I am thankful Little Man is doing so well in school.
School conferences are in early December and Little Man's teacher indicated in an email that if there were any issues (socially or academically) she has already spoken to the parents so there are no surprises come December. We get routine updates about his behavior and progress, but we have not had a special meeting! I never in a million years anticipated he would NOT be having difficulties in school. I know now we did the right thing moving to medication. As weird as I still feel giving him his dose every morning, I know it is what he needs to succeed. For that I am VERY thankful.
School conferences are in early December and Little Man's teacher indicated in an email that if there were any issues (socially or academically) she has already spoken to the parents so there are no surprises come December. We get routine updates about his behavior and progress, but we have not had a special meeting! I never in a million years anticipated he would NOT be having difficulties in school. I know now we did the right thing moving to medication. As weird as I still feel giving him his dose every morning, I know it is what he needs to succeed. For that I am VERY thankful.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
He Just Needs More Discipline… Gee Why Didn't WE Think of THAT?
I have written about other's view of Little Man and his behavior before. While I do not typically vent publicly very often, I am angry. When it involves my kids, I will come out swinging. I will protect my kids. Little Man is starting kindergarten. I will protect him. What has been said about him over the year's hurts, makes me angry and makes me want me to call "bullshit" now (to use a term from my friend). It has been said that if we (Chief and I) disciplined Little Man more, he would behave. This was just brought up to me again recently.
I call bullshit! We have raised two well mannered, polite children before Little Man. It is absolutely ignorant to think that Chief and I just need to discipline him more for him to behave properly. Why would we throw discipline out the window with our third child?
He has been evaluated by professionals (people with actual degrees and qualifications - not some archaic 1950s viewpoint). EVERYONE has agreed that he is a kid with ADHD. Look it up, actually do some research. His brain works differently than our brains do. Therefore, the typical parenting/discipline does NOT work with him. If it did, he would be a model child (like my other two). Disciplining him more, spanking him, yelling at him, or whatever other's think we need to be doing more of, IS NOT the answer. The poor kid is disciplined more than my other two children EVER were. Just because you do not see a "disability" does not mean it does not exist. Just because you don't understand something does not mean it does not exist.
His behavior is pervasive in all aspects of his life. He is constantly in "fight" mode over most everything. We typically go into "fight" mode psychologically when our safety or the safety of our loved ones is involved. Little Man's brain goes into "fight" mode over something as simple as asking him to put on his shoes. His brain works differently. If you take the time to look at him… really look at him… you can see the turmoil in his eyes. And while he may "behave" for others at times, if anyone spends any extended time with him, they will see his daily struggles despite their "model" parenting skills or disciplinary actions.
It hurts me deeply that people that know us, believe the answer to his problem is for us to discipline him more (or we would not be having these problems with him if we had done it sooner). Have you not heard us for the last 3 years? Have you not paid attention? Have you not done some research to try to understand what we are saying? You obviously do not know us and you do not know Little Man. It makes me really sad to think that nothing will change some people's viewpoint, even if we handed out copies of his testing and evaluations.
It angers me that our parenting (or apparent lack thereof) is a topic of discussion. Judging our parenting is up to God - no one else. It is holier than thou, ignorant and shameful. I am not willing to put my child in a situation where he is judged constantly any more. And, I am not willing to put myself in a situation where our parenting and every comment is under scrutiny. Decisions will be different for our family going forward. If that offends people, too bad.
If disciplining him more would allow us to go in public and not be embarrassed by his behavior, don't you think we would?
If disciplining him more would allow him to focus in school without constant teacher intervention, don't you think we would?
If disciplining him more stopped me from crying after hearing how his day went, don't you think we would?
If disciplining him more would allow us to do more fun things as a family, like hike Multnomah Falls, don't you think we would?
If disciplining him more allowed us to not worry about his future ability to hold down a job and relationships, don't you think we would?
If disciplining him more meant we did not need to resort to medication, don't you think we would?
If disciplining him more meant I did not sigh with relief when Little Man and the neighbor's daughter did NOT get in the same kindergarten class because I did not want his struggles at school to be a topic of discussion for them, don't you think we would?
If disciplining him more saved us hundred's of dollars in doctor's bills and medication, don't you think we would?
If disciplining him more got him an invitation like everyone else to a class birthday party, don't you think we would?
If disciplining him more stopped the negative comments made by other children to Little Man, don't you think we would?
Gee, why didn't WE think of THAT? If it were only THAT simple.
I call bullshit! We have raised two well mannered, polite children before Little Man. It is absolutely ignorant to think that Chief and I just need to discipline him more for him to behave properly. Why would we throw discipline out the window with our third child?
He has been evaluated by professionals (people with actual degrees and qualifications - not some archaic 1950s viewpoint). EVERYONE has agreed that he is a kid with ADHD. Look it up, actually do some research. His brain works differently than our brains do. Therefore, the typical parenting/discipline does NOT work with him. If it did, he would be a model child (like my other two). Disciplining him more, spanking him, yelling at him, or whatever other's think we need to be doing more of, IS NOT the answer. The poor kid is disciplined more than my other two children EVER were. Just because you do not see a "disability" does not mean it does not exist. Just because you don't understand something does not mean it does not exist.
His behavior is pervasive in all aspects of his life. He is constantly in "fight" mode over most everything. We typically go into "fight" mode psychologically when our safety or the safety of our loved ones is involved. Little Man's brain goes into "fight" mode over something as simple as asking him to put on his shoes. His brain works differently. If you take the time to look at him… really look at him… you can see the turmoil in his eyes. And while he may "behave" for others at times, if anyone spends any extended time with him, they will see his daily struggles despite their "model" parenting skills or disciplinary actions.
It hurts me deeply that people that know us, believe the answer to his problem is for us to discipline him more (or we would not be having these problems with him if we had done it sooner). Have you not heard us for the last 3 years? Have you not paid attention? Have you not done some research to try to understand what we are saying? You obviously do not know us and you do not know Little Man. It makes me really sad to think that nothing will change some people's viewpoint, even if we handed out copies of his testing and evaluations.
It angers me that our parenting (or apparent lack thereof) is a topic of discussion. Judging our parenting is up to God - no one else. It is holier than thou, ignorant and shameful. I am not willing to put my child in a situation where he is judged constantly any more. And, I am not willing to put myself in a situation where our parenting and every comment is under scrutiny. Decisions will be different for our family going forward. If that offends people, too bad.
If disciplining him more would allow us to go in public and not be embarrassed by his behavior, don't you think we would?
If disciplining him more would allow him to focus in school without constant teacher intervention, don't you think we would?
If disciplining him more stopped me from crying after hearing how his day went, don't you think we would?
If disciplining him more would allow us to do more fun things as a family, like hike Multnomah Falls, don't you think we would?
If disciplining him more allowed us to not worry about his future ability to hold down a job and relationships, don't you think we would?
If disciplining him more meant we did not need to resort to medication, don't you think we would?
If disciplining him more meant I did not sigh with relief when Little Man and the neighbor's daughter did NOT get in the same kindergarten class because I did not want his struggles at school to be a topic of discussion for them, don't you think we would?
If disciplining him more saved us hundred's of dollars in doctor's bills and medication, don't you think we would?
If disciplining him more got him an invitation like everyone else to a class birthday party, don't you think we would?
If disciplining him more stopped the negative comments made by other children to Little Man, don't you think we would?
Gee, why didn't WE think of THAT? If it were only THAT simple.
Friday, August 24, 2012
Right or Wrong
I am sitting here at almost midnight finishing up some emails that I have been trying to get out all week. My mind drifts to tomorrow, back to our doctor's appointment Tuesday, back over the last three years. I try to focus on the emails I need to get out while it is quiet and no distractions. But, the thoughts are there, turning in my mind and occasionally in my stomach.
Chief and I have made a difficult decision regarding Little Man. We have decided to do a trial of medication to help address his ADHD. This was not a decision made lightly or without a lot of prayer. And while I know there are many opinions on the use of medication, no opinion matters except mine, Chief's and our doctor's.
Little Man has continued to struggle in school. His behavior has impacted his social interactions and friendships. His behavior significantly impacts our family on a daily basis limiting what we do and where we go. He is more and more surrounded by negative comments, frustration and heartache. While we have not seen too much of a negative impact on his self-esteem so far, we are starting to see glimpses of it now in his comments and reaction to things others say about him. We can foresee the path he is on if we do not do something different. We have been through the natureopath, pediatric behaviorist and psychologist. And while they have all provide guidance and useful tools and information, nothing has drastically altered Little Man's path. In fact as he gets older, his path has gotten bumpier.
So the decision has been made and it is the right decision at this time. But as a mom, I still worry and struggle. Are we doing the right thing? What if he really does not have ADHD and he is just really difficult or "all boy" as I hear so often? Is this medication going to change his personality? I have failed him. It feels like we are just using medication so we can like being around him and make things easier. Will kids make fun of him if they learn he has to take medication to be "good"? Will he still make the "whoo, whoo, whoo" sound as he rides his bike outside? Did we try hard enough on an altered diet and the parenting techniques? I could go on and on… so many things have flown around in my mind for weeks, months and years. But worry is fear. Worry is negative energy and we have had enough of that around here. I just want peace and to see a glimpse of what is possible for my Little Man.
As I grind up his medication for the first time tomorrow, I will pray for God's peace in all this… for me to feel God's hand on my shoulder and for Little Man to feel His hand too.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11
Monday, March 19, 2012
The Pile
It has been a crazy month!!!
We had family visiting – first my sister (super fun and lots of shopping!) and then my in-laws (always fun to play cards!).
And, Chief and I got a little get away to Las Vegas
On my pile for awhile is my mom. But in the last few weeks, my mom has gone down hill some, prompting my dad to finally make the heart-wrenching decision to move my mom to a facility. My dad and my sister found a wonderful facility that specializes in dementia patients. Dad is doing the paperwork and evaluations and most likely mom will move in April some time. I will head home to help move my mom and all that goes with that. It will difficult. I tear up now just thinking of it. When I picture my mom in a facility, no matter how wonderful it may be, I picture loss. This is just further confirmation that my mom is gone. While she is still here physically, she is gone. And it sucks. I am sure I will write more on this as time passes, but for now, I am sad.
To the pile we added our car that needed major work to the tune of $2500! We need to replace at least one of our vehicles as the both have over 145,000 miles each. We can swing something, but are not willing to tap our monthly cash flow for some big car payment. I honestly can not believe that some people have car payments of $600 or more! While I am the first to admit I would LOVE to drive around in a nice new vehicle with all the gadgets and gizmos, I am at a place in my life that I do NOT want the stress and burden such a car brings. It is humbling and satisfying to live within our means. Our cars are reliable. That is the purpose of a car…getting from A to B safely and reliability. I have to keep reminding myself of that fact.
And to add to our “pile” of things we are dealing with right now, our beloved dog, Boomer, has cancer. Our eleven year old golden retriever has mast cell tumors, stage 2 or stage 3. We notice a lump on his hip area in December. He was licking it and caused it to open up so I took him into the vet in early February. We discussed the options – the best course being surgery to remove the lump and have it tested so we knew what we were dealing with. The cost of the surgery caused us to delay taking action. This was a huge blessing because less than a month later, we noticed about eight more lumps in his belly area that were not there previously and the one lump we were watching, doubled in size. They did a needle biopsy and we received the news. One option is chemotherapy which unfortunately would only help if the tumors were stage 3, which we do not know definitely and is cost prohibitive. And the other option is surgery which would be very difficult given the location and number of the tumors. So we have made the decision to keep him comfortable for as long as possible. Right now he is acting normal, eating and drinking just fine. He is a fantastic dog, friendly and filled with personality. As much as he drives me crazy with his dog hair and pushiness to get into the house, I love the big dummy.
Also, adding to the “pile” is Chief’s job. The company he works for is struggling financially and at one point we were worried if they would make payroll. We knew heading into this job that it probably would not be a long term gig – he took the position to gain different experience in a cutting edge field. And, while things look stable at the moment, Chief is in the job market again. His resume is all polished up and he is diligently looking for his next adventure. He LOVES this job, the people he works for, the experience he has gained and the flexibility his role provides. I am praying his next position will be as satisfying to him.
And ever on my pile is Little Man. We are working with a physiologist and it has been helpful to talk about what is normal for an ADHD kid and work on strategies to help him. He has a new teacher at school and she had put a lot of structure in place and that has been wonderful for him. I have met with his future kindergarten teacher and discussed what ideas she has. I know he is seeing a difference in our parenting, but as usual, I feel like I don’t do enough and am not consistent enough. I just need to keep plugging away and know in my heart that we are doing our best. Interestingly he has been teary eyed lately and gets visibly upset over things that in the past would have just make him mad. I am not sure what that is about, but hopefully he is recognizing his feeling more and expressing them differently. Who knows?
One thing I struggle with is whether to tell people he has ADHD (like his swim teacher). I do not want it to be viewed as an excuse. I know a lot of the world views ADHD as an excuse for poor parenting and unruly children. But I do not want him labeled as a bad kid when he truly has a reason for his energy and difficultly controlling his behavior. This issue is on my list for the physiologist.
My pile continues to grow worrying about friends and family that are going through hard times right now. Soccer Girl and all her tween issues are on my pile…and Lizard being squished in the middle. Sigh.
Life is hard sometimes. The pile seems extra large at this time. But surprisingly, I feel at peace… at least a lot of the time. I am trying to turn these things over to God and trying to not let worry suck the joy out of any given moment. There is a Carrie Underwood song that says that “mountain you have been climbing is just a grain of sand.” That is how I need to view my pile at the moment. It is a few grains of sand.
Monday, January 16, 2012
The Gift of a Blog Post
There are many blog posts that I read in my travels that have great information, a funny story or a thought provoking viewpoint. But every once in awhile, there is some posts that are written TO me. FOR ME.. and about what is in my heart. A blog post over at Momastery the other day is one such post. I only recently came across this blog through a good friend posting a link on facebook. There have been quite a few gems in just a week or so (I haven't even had a chance to read her archives!). In fact, I even took the time to read a few posts to Chief - again, some were thought provoking and some funny. But the post the other day, was FOR ME at exactly the right moment. To read "my" post, go here.
I have written about Little Man's struggles many times. I know logically in my head that he is wonderfully made and it is the world that needs to adjust. But, is has been a struggle for me to really believe that... deep down. That is hard to admit. I know there are many kids who struggle much more than my son. I feel a little selfish and dramatic feeling what I do at times and saying how hard it it. But it is. I have parented two other kids who are "model" children. So in contract, Little Man's challenges are big to me. They are difficult and they are embarrassing.
Glennon's post said everything I have been feeling so beautifully. Here are a few excerpts:
"Every child is gifted and talented. Every single one. "
"... if we are patient and calm... and we keep believing, we will eventually see the specific magic of each child."
I have written about Little Man's struggles many times. I know logically in my head that he is wonderfully made and it is the world that needs to adjust. But, is has been a struggle for me to really believe that... deep down. That is hard to admit. I know there are many kids who struggle much more than my son. I feel a little selfish and dramatic feeling what I do at times and saying how hard it it. But it is. I have parented two other kids who are "model" children. So in contract, Little Man's challenges are big to me. They are difficult and they are embarrassing.
Glennon's post said everything I have been feeling so beautifully. Here are a few excerpts:
"Every child is gifted and talented. Every single one. "
"... if we are patient and calm... and we keep believing, we will eventually see the specific magic of each child."
"We have to actually believe that our kids are okay.
I know. Tough. But we can do it. We can start believing by erasing the idea that education is a race. It’s not. Actually, education is like Christmas. We’re all just opening our gifts, one at a time. And it is a fact that each and every child has a bright shiny present with her name on it, waiting there underneath the tree. God wrapped it up, and He’ll let us know when it’s time to unwrap it. In the meantime, we must believe that our children are okay. Every last one of them. The perfect ones and the naughty ones and the chunky ones and the shy ones and the loud ones and the so far behind ones and the ones with autism.
Because here’s what I believe. I think a child can survive a teacher or other children accidentally suggesting that he’s not okay. As long as when he comes home, he looks at his mama and knows by her face that he really is."
I know. Tough. But we can do it. We can start believing by erasing the idea that education is a race. It’s not. Actually, education is like Christmas. We’re all just opening our gifts, one at a time. And it is a fact that each and every child has a bright shiny present with her name on it, waiting there underneath the tree. God wrapped it up, and He’ll let us know when it’s time to unwrap it. In the meantime, we must believe that our children are okay. Every last one of them. The perfect ones and the naughty ones and the chunky ones and the shy ones and the loud ones and the so far behind ones and the ones with autism.
Because here’s what I believe. I think a child can survive a teacher or other children accidentally suggesting that he’s not okay. As long as when he comes home, he looks at his mama and knows by her face that he really is."
WOW.
Having just received the official ADHD diagnosis, I have been thinking a lot about shifting my mind set. Little Man is not TRYING to be naughty, defiant or difficult. He wants to have friends and please us and his teacher. I am thankful that he is young enough to not realize the impact of his struggles on others and himself. We are praying we can help him learn to manage himself before he sees things clearly and how his behavior impacts him socially and academically.
I want him to know he is okay... deep in his soul. And that starts with me believing, deep in my soul that he is okay and will be okay.
I pray that he knows he is okay... no matter what he does or says. He has so many things to show the world. It is my hope and prayer that he and I can say to the world some day "told you so."
Monday, January 9, 2012
Time Does Fly!
Well, that was an unplanned break! I can not believe over a month has gone since I last posted. Honestly, I had lots of thoughts to write down last month. I think I even sat down a few times to start a post and then got pulled away for some reason. But, time does fly, especially when you are not looking...
So I am going to resort to a good old bullet type list to catch this blog up to date:
1. I am back to working one morning a week. My "free" time without kids last month was taken up with Christmas stuff - gift buying, trip planning and other such stuff. It has been a very good thing to be home more again. I think everyone is happier (except maybe the bank account). I feel more like myself again.
Now that the New Year is here, I am trying to get a groove going. I don't want to waste time. I want to be intentional. I need to focus on adding some more work to my schedule (consulting and/or some other avenue), but I am looking for a flexible from home set up. Our family needs me home. That is one thing I know.
2. We spent Christmas in Sunriver - just the five of us. It was heaven! We love our extended families to death. We all get along, don't fight or have much underlying tension I hear some families have. We have a good time playing games, eating and all that fun stuff. But we have either hosted family or traveled (and all the house hopping that entails) every Christmas our ENTIRE marriage. We have never had Christmas morning with just us. It was waaaayyyy overdue.
We ate easy meals, I read a whole book in three days, the kids ran around and did what they wanted without too much correction from us to settle down, we went on bike rides, walks (hmmm, yah… there was NO snow!!! I am still ticked about that), went in the hot tub and just enjoyed being together with no schedule or food to have done at a certain time. It was a much needed refresher for our family.
3. Lizard is starting speech intervention at school this week. The crazy kid sounds like she is from Boston. She was in early intervention for speech articulation in preschool. When she was tested in Kindergarten, she did not "qualify" for intervention. We have however, been watching her "R" sounds for quite awhile and while they were better in Kindergarten, they have slowly gotten worse over the years. She is excited about fixing her sound. Poor thing was upset about getting assigned the number "four" jersey in basketball. She was upset that she would have tell people she was "four" and not be able to say it right because of her "R" sound.
4. Soccer Girl is doing great in school. She made honor roll! Oh my... The middle school drama. She is not actually "in" the drama, but is having a great time telling me all about it… who likes who, who does what, who has changed, who she thinks is headed for trouble and all that. She said to me after her first day back at school from break, "Mom, big news at school. So and So (name removed to protect the innocent) got her eyebrows fixed." Oh my, to be twelve! She has been very open with us about the one boy (who she has know since Kindergarten) who likes her. He is a good kid and very nice so I am not too worried… at least so far.
It is interesting how the boy thing works now days. Texting has added a whole new level of communication between young kids. When I was twelve, a boy had to get up the nerve and call you. Now, they can just text you… at 10 o'clock at night. Heaven help us!
5. Little Man. While there are times I could just eat him because he is so sweet and kind, there are other times, I could ring his neck. We met with his teacher in December and received some sobering information, not surprising... but sobering nonetheless. And, we have begun working with a psychologist. She has diagnosed him with ADHD - hyperactive/impulsive. We are not surprised since we have had so many issues for so long, but we don't believe it to some extent because the questionnaires we completed are just a snap shot in time. And he does not "look" like the typical ADHD kid who hangs from the rafters. But, any "diagnosis" for your child is hard to accept, I guess. So we are starting our journey… I will obviously post more as we learn more and work out a plan.
6. I turned 44. Neat.
That, I think, are the highlights of the last month. I am glad to ring in a new year with all the possibilities.
So I am going to resort to a good old bullet type list to catch this blog up to date:
1. I am back to working one morning a week. My "free" time without kids last month was taken up with Christmas stuff - gift buying, trip planning and other such stuff. It has been a very good thing to be home more again. I think everyone is happier (except maybe the bank account). I feel more like myself again.
Now that the New Year is here, I am trying to get a groove going. I don't want to waste time. I want to be intentional. I need to focus on adding some more work to my schedule (consulting and/or some other avenue), but I am looking for a flexible from home set up. Our family needs me home. That is one thing I know.
2. We spent Christmas in Sunriver - just the five of us. It was heaven! We love our extended families to death. We all get along, don't fight or have much underlying tension I hear some families have. We have a good time playing games, eating and all that fun stuff. But we have either hosted family or traveled (and all the house hopping that entails) every Christmas our ENTIRE marriage. We have never had Christmas morning with just us. It was waaaayyyy overdue.
We ate easy meals, I read a whole book in three days, the kids ran around and did what they wanted without too much correction from us to settle down, we went on bike rides, walks (hmmm, yah… there was NO snow!!! I am still ticked about that), went in the hot tub and just enjoyed being together with no schedule or food to have done at a certain time. It was a much needed refresher for our family.
3. Lizard is starting speech intervention at school this week. The crazy kid sounds like she is from Boston. She was in early intervention for speech articulation in preschool. When she was tested in Kindergarten, she did not "qualify" for intervention. We have however, been watching her "R" sounds for quite awhile and while they were better in Kindergarten, they have slowly gotten worse over the years. She is excited about fixing her sound. Poor thing was upset about getting assigned the number "four" jersey in basketball. She was upset that she would have tell people she was "four" and not be able to say it right because of her "R" sound.
4. Soccer Girl is doing great in school. She made honor roll! Oh my... The middle school drama. She is not actually "in" the drama, but is having a great time telling me all about it… who likes who, who does what, who has changed, who she thinks is headed for trouble and all that. She said to me after her first day back at school from break, "Mom, big news at school. So and So (name removed to protect the innocent) got her eyebrows fixed." Oh my, to be twelve! She has been very open with us about the one boy (who she has know since Kindergarten) who likes her. He is a good kid and very nice so I am not too worried… at least so far.
It is interesting how the boy thing works now days. Texting has added a whole new level of communication between young kids. When I was twelve, a boy had to get up the nerve and call you. Now, they can just text you… at 10 o'clock at night. Heaven help us!
5. Little Man. While there are times I could just eat him because he is so sweet and kind, there are other times, I could ring his neck. We met with his teacher in December and received some sobering information, not surprising... but sobering nonetheless. And, we have begun working with a psychologist. She has diagnosed him with ADHD - hyperactive/impulsive. We are not surprised since we have had so many issues for so long, but we don't believe it to some extent because the questionnaires we completed are just a snap shot in time. And he does not "look" like the typical ADHD kid who hangs from the rafters. But, any "diagnosis" for your child is hard to accept, I guess. So we are starting our journey… I will obviously post more as we learn more and work out a plan.
6. I turned 44. Neat.
That, I think, are the highlights of the last month. I am glad to ring in a new year with all the possibilities.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Thankful: Day 29 & 30!
Day 29 - thankful Little Man did not break his arm and for medical care so close to home.
Day 30 - my last day at my job. So very thankful to be back to working one day a week. While the budget will be tight again (sigh), the timing it good and we have a plan in place.
This was an interesting exercise to think daily about what I am thankful for. Even when I did not write it down daily, I could very easily think of what I was thankful…it was what stood out to me most. I just read this quote on Pinterest.
Day 30 - my last day at my job. So very thankful to be back to working one day a week. While the budget will be tight again (sigh), the timing it good and we have a plan in place.
This was an interesting exercise to think daily about what I am thankful for. Even when I did not write it down daily, I could very easily think of what I was thankful…it was what stood out to me most. I just read this quote on Pinterest.
What if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
We Need to Meet
Yesterday Little Man's preschool teacher asked to meet with me. While Little Man is doing okay, she said he "needs more." The incentives they use in the room are not enough for him. She would like to devise a plan to work with him.
She told me he is very smart but very energetic. I have learned over the years that those are codes for he doesn't keep his hands to himself… he interferes in the class… he is not able to socialize with the other kids… label it however you want. It means he is still struggling. While he has improved, I know he will continue to struggle well into his formal school years.
So we will meet next week to talk about the issues and come up with a plan. But, right now, I feel like we have not done enough for him and that I have failed him. I feel just plain defeated and sad.
I know that I need to embrace all of him. I know that he is wonderfully made. I know that all of the things that may be viewed as "challenges" now will fade and serve him well… some day. It is just hard to accept that when it is your kid not invited to a class birthday party and most days the teacher has to talk to you about what happened that day.
I will feel sad for a little bit longer. Then I will look into his beautiful face and plow forward with a plan.
She told me he is very smart but very energetic. I have learned over the years that those are codes for he doesn't keep his hands to himself… he interferes in the class… he is not able to socialize with the other kids… label it however you want. It means he is still struggling. While he has improved, I know he will continue to struggle well into his formal school years.
So we will meet next week to talk about the issues and come up with a plan. But, right now, I feel like we have not done enough for him and that I have failed him. I feel just plain defeated and sad.
I know that I need to embrace all of him. I know that he is wonderfully made. I know that all of the things that may be viewed as "challenges" now will fade and serve him well… some day. It is just hard to accept that when it is your kid not invited to a class birthday party and most days the teacher has to talk to you about what happened that day.
I will feel sad for a little bit longer. Then I will look into his beautiful face and plow forward with a plan.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Thankful: Day 15 & 16
Day 15 - Hearing that Soccer Girl wanted to deliver Thanksgiving food baskets with her youth group even though it was on her birthday. It was evident she is learning the lesson of giving (not just donating food to a bin) and selflessness. Turns out they are delivering them two days before her birthday anyway. :-)
Day 16 - Little Man having a great day today. He was so excited when I picked him up about his work and earning a prize today for his behavior. Love days like this! And I love that almost all of the pictures that he draws are of Little Man and Chief doing fun things. He loves his Daddy.
Day 16 - Little Man having a great day today. He was so excited when I picked him up about his work and earning a prize today for his behavior. Love days like this! And I love that almost all of the pictures that he draws are of Little Man and Chief doing fun things. He loves his Daddy.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Thankful: Day 4
Day 4 - a special date with my Little Man. Just the two of us on a Friday night building all sorts of Lego creations. My heart needed the reminder how special, loving and funny he can be. I love you Little Man.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Thankful: Day 1 & 2
I have noticed on Facebook and the blog world the challenge to post one thing you are thankful for each day in November. I like that. I am going to post my "30 days of thankfuls" here on my blog. Maybe a few at a time, but 30 days of what I am grateful for… what makes me smile.
A dear friend of mine gave me Ann Voskamp's book One Thousand Gifts. It is a thought provoking book about finding thankfulness in your day to day life; in the daily grind of a messy kitchen and arguments over homework. If you have not read it, I would highly recommend it.
Day 1 - my three children.
Day 2 - hearing rain pour down while I am inside my warm house.
A dear friend of mine gave me Ann Voskamp's book One Thousand Gifts. It is a thought provoking book about finding thankfulness in your day to day life; in the daily grind of a messy kitchen and arguments over homework. If you have not read it, I would highly recommend it.
Day 1 - my three children.
Day 2 - hearing rain pour down while I am inside my warm house.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Back to School
Well, the kids have been back to school for a month and I am just getting around to this post. Yah. Ahh… it has been hectic to say the least.
Little Man is in 4's preschool at the same school and class. So his "back to school" was pretty uneventful. He has the same teachers he has had since last June. There are a group of new kids and he has done fairly well adjusting. He has good days and bad days. He has a really hard sharing his "show and share" toy so recently he has been "banned" from participating for awhile until he can demonstrate he can share. We will give a whirl in a few weeks.
We are still tackling his behavior issues going through good patches and rough ones. I texted a friend last week that we have been firmly in Holland for several days. It is hard to admit but I always dread walking into his school because I do not know how the day has gone. I breath a sigh of relief when I round the first corner and can see that Little Man is not in the director's office. Then I take a deep breath of relief if I do not have to sign an incident report. I did not really realize I felt that way until recently. It has been happening for a long time, but I did not recognize my thoughts where consistent each time I pulled up. Sad but true.
I am a work in progress. I fail miserably embracing all that makes up my Little Man. It pains me that I struggle with him in public. That pain makes me alter my plans so I do not have to deal with the frustration I feel and looks I receive. Some days I can embrace his challenges and hold my head high. Other days, I can not. A work in progress… still.
Lizard is in third grade. She is with two of her best buddies and loves her teacher. She has slide into the school year with almost no hiccups. And, what I love best about this year, is that I altered my morning schedule so I can take her to school. She and I drop off Little Man at preschool and then I drive her to school. We usually have about 10 minutes until she can go into school. So we wait in the car… just the two of us. Sometime we talk about serious stuff and other times we just kid around. I love it.
She is cheer leading at the football games. She loves it and maybe has finally found her thing. She is taking it seriously and we all have the cheers stuck in our head from her practicing at home. "Go Knights!" She is also signed up for basketball in the winter… all 45 pounds of her!
Soccer Girl is in 6th grade - a middle schooler! She really was not too nervous before school started, just wondering about the volume of homework in store for her. On the first day, I took the morning off and drove her to school. When I told her it was time to go, she said a very nervous "oh man" and looked at me with pleading eyes. But my big girl gathered up her stuff and took a deep breath, gave me a kiss and got out of the car. She walked with her head high into the school.
She has adjusted very well. I think the biggest adjustment has been the social activity… all the who likes who, who is mad at who now stuff. She has stayed away from it, but seems to like to be in the know. Luckily she will tell me who likes her, what so and so did or said. I pray that communication continues as the years pass.
So overall the start of the school year has been good. Just busy. I have an hour with Little Man before Lizard gets home, then an hour with the two of them before Soccer Girl arrives. Then typically we need to be at some activity within the next hour. It makes for very hectic weeks. Lots of quick dinners and not much down time. Our little family needs down time so we are trying to work that in and say no when we need to to get it. Like the other night, I had plans to go out to dinner with two good friends. It was a rough day - everyone yelling and fighting - so I bowed out of the dinner at the last minute and stayed with my family. It was the right thing to do.
Little Man is in 4's preschool at the same school and class. So his "back to school" was pretty uneventful. He has the same teachers he has had since last June. There are a group of new kids and he has done fairly well adjusting. He has good days and bad days. He has a really hard sharing his "show and share" toy so recently he has been "banned" from participating for awhile until he can demonstrate he can share. We will give a whirl in a few weeks.
We are still tackling his behavior issues going through good patches and rough ones. I texted a friend last week that we have been firmly in Holland for several days. It is hard to admit but I always dread walking into his school because I do not know how the day has gone. I breath a sigh of relief when I round the first corner and can see that Little Man is not in the director's office. Then I take a deep breath of relief if I do not have to sign an incident report. I did not really realize I felt that way until recently. It has been happening for a long time, but I did not recognize my thoughts where consistent each time I pulled up. Sad but true.
I am a work in progress. I fail miserably embracing all that makes up my Little Man. It pains me that I struggle with him in public. That pain makes me alter my plans so I do not have to deal with the frustration I feel and looks I receive. Some days I can embrace his challenges and hold my head high. Other days, I can not. A work in progress… still.
Lizard is in third grade. She is with two of her best buddies and loves her teacher. She has slide into the school year with almost no hiccups. And, what I love best about this year, is that I altered my morning schedule so I can take her to school. She and I drop off Little Man at preschool and then I drive her to school. We usually have about 10 minutes until she can go into school. So we wait in the car… just the two of us. Sometime we talk about serious stuff and other times we just kid around. I love it.
She is cheer leading at the football games. She loves it and maybe has finally found her thing. She is taking it seriously and we all have the cheers stuck in our head from her practicing at home. "Go Knights!" She is also signed up for basketball in the winter… all 45 pounds of her!
Soccer Girl is in 6th grade - a middle schooler! She really was not too nervous before school started, just wondering about the volume of homework in store for her. On the first day, I took the morning off and drove her to school. When I told her it was time to go, she said a very nervous "oh man" and looked at me with pleading eyes. But my big girl gathered up her stuff and took a deep breath, gave me a kiss and got out of the car. She walked with her head high into the school.
She has adjusted very well. I think the biggest adjustment has been the social activity… all the who likes who, who is mad at who now stuff. She has stayed away from it, but seems to like to be in the know. Luckily she will tell me who likes her, what so and so did or said. I pray that communication continues as the years pass.
So overall the start of the school year has been good. Just busy. I have an hour with Little Man before Lizard gets home, then an hour with the two of them before Soccer Girl arrives. Then typically we need to be at some activity within the next hour. It makes for very hectic weeks. Lots of quick dinners and not much down time. Our little family needs down time so we are trying to work that in and say no when we need to to get it. Like the other night, I had plans to go out to dinner with two good friends. It was a rough day - everyone yelling and fighting - so I bowed out of the dinner at the last minute and stayed with my family. It was the right thing to do.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Back in Holland Again Today
I am not sure how I feel about this. Today Little Man had a teacher with him one on one all day at preschool. He moved up to the 4's room at the end of June. He is learning to navigate the big boy room even though he had spent some time in the 4s room over the last 8 months.
Little Man is very impulsive, especially in public situations and around other kids. He angers very quickly and has trouble keeping his hands to himself and responding appropriately when he is not pleased with someone else or something. Miss K talked to me about what she did with him and how he responded (he did well with lots of encouragement) and I told her how much he likes to ne a helper. She let me know he had to go the Director's office, Miss T (not his first time). Miss K also told me he is incredibly smart for his age (kind of freaky smart - my words, not hers); which is something I have been told by many people. Overall it was a good discussion and reaffirmed for me that he is in the right place and appreciated for who he is, while being guided properly.
I felt compelled to let her know he has two older sisters (she said she would have guessed he had older brothers). She told me Miss T let her know we are aware of the issues he has and that we are working on his anger. I felt compelled to let her know we have been working with a pediatric behaviorists. I guess I was trying to tell her we are not rookie parents coddling an out of control, mean child. I was trying to justify my parenting and express to her that we understand the challenges.
After never having any major behavior/parenting issues with the girls, this is a very humbling place to be. Tears stung my eyes as we left the building. As my blond hair boy bounced happily to the car, I was holding back tears and looking up and crying out in my heart "why." It is very troubling to me that a preschool age child, MY preschool age child… MY little boy… needed one on one guidance for the bulk of his five hour day at school. This is not a daily occurrence. But for it to occur at all crushes me… angers me... humbles me… and leaves me pondering Little Man's 14 or so years of schooling ahead of us.
I know Little Man is made perfectly. It is me who needs to adjust my thinking, my perceptions, my expectations. It is me who needs to appreciate him for who he is and what he can show me through these challenges. There is a story that runs through my mind at times like this. It is a reminder to me that if I am constantly justifying myself, joking about his behavior to shadow my embarrassment in public and not embracing him for who he is all the time, not just when he is sweet; I will miss out on so much. I don't want to miss out.
Here is the story…
Little Man is very impulsive, especially in public situations and around other kids. He angers very quickly and has trouble keeping his hands to himself and responding appropriately when he is not pleased with someone else or something. Miss K talked to me about what she did with him and how he responded (he did well with lots of encouragement) and I told her how much he likes to ne a helper. She let me know he had to go the Director's office, Miss T (not his first time). Miss K also told me he is incredibly smart for his age (kind of freaky smart - my words, not hers); which is something I have been told by many people. Overall it was a good discussion and reaffirmed for me that he is in the right place and appreciated for who he is, while being guided properly.
I felt compelled to let her know he has two older sisters (she said she would have guessed he had older brothers). She told me Miss T let her know we are aware of the issues he has and that we are working on his anger. I felt compelled to let her know we have been working with a pediatric behaviorists. I guess I was trying to tell her we are not rookie parents coddling an out of control, mean child. I was trying to justify my parenting and express to her that we understand the challenges.
After never having any major behavior/parenting issues with the girls, this is a very humbling place to be. Tears stung my eyes as we left the building. As my blond hair boy bounced happily to the car, I was holding back tears and looking up and crying out in my heart "why." It is very troubling to me that a preschool age child, MY preschool age child… MY little boy… needed one on one guidance for the bulk of his five hour day at school. This is not a daily occurrence. But for it to occur at all crushes me… angers me... humbles me… and leaves me pondering Little Man's 14 or so years of schooling ahead of us.
I know Little Man is made perfectly. It is me who needs to adjust my thinking, my perceptions, my expectations. It is me who needs to appreciate him for who he is and what he can show me through these challenges. There is a story that runs through my mind at times like this. It is a reminder to me that if I am constantly justifying myself, joking about his behavior to shadow my embarrassment in public and not embracing him for who he is all the time, not just when he is sweet; I will miss out on so much. I don't want to miss out.
Here is the story…
Welcome to Holland by Emily Perl Kingsley
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability- to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this…
When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip -to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.” "Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”
But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around… and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills… and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandt's.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy…and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.
But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely hings …about Holland.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Leaving
One of my very dear friends just moved away… for good. We have known each other for about 7 years and we have become very good friends in the last few years. I have never really had a friend move away, even as a kid. I grew up in one house, in one town. And, most of my friends did too. In college you expect people to go their own direction and “leave” after school, either to return to their home towns or take a job somewhere else. My best friend from college went on to graduate school while I got a job. We are still in touch (she is even coming to visit this summer!) but we have never really lived near each other (unless you count our dorm rooms). So this is really the first time someone I am close to has left.
It is strange. I am excited for my friend's new adventure and what it means for her family and her personally. But honestly, I am nervous and sad. Nervous that our GNO group will fall apart… that I will not continue to challenge myself to grow in my faith… that I won’t have someone to give me an honest perspective on Little Man and his challenges… that I won’t be connected as much… that I won’t have someone who wants to get together with me and my kids. And I am sad that she will not be in my life on a regular, personal basis. She is a Facebook friend, but it is just not the same.
I know I am responsible for my own growth and for making and keeping friends. But my friend is really good about finding something for me to step up to (reading the bible in a year, memorizing verses, reading, having a conversation on a deeper level than just “kid talk,” etc.). Something of these things I would never do on my own. My friend steps out to make play dates and initiates getting together with people. She is the first one to call (or text actually!). I love doing those things, but I do not take the initiative. I guess I make the assumption the other person does not really want to get together and is just being nice or they are too busy with their own lives. I am afraid with my friend not prompting me, I will shrink back into my little world because I am not stepping out. And I am a little angry at myself for not taking her example and being more responsible for my own connections to people and growth.
So, I am going to honor my friend:
I will be the person who initiates things.
I will be the person to read for the pure pleasure of reading, despite the distractions of life.
I will be the person to get involved in things that mean something to me on-my-own, without being asked.
I will be the person to keep our GNO group organized.
I will be the person to organize the book club several of us have talked about.
I will be the person who, in the heat of the moment with Little Man, will remember my friend’s words.
I will do these things, not because she wants me to.
I will do these things because she helped me discover that I want these things.
So my friend, cheers to your next chapter. I can’t wait to see what God has in store for you.
friend, faith builder, reality check and tequila shots
You mean the world to me.
Friday, May 13, 2011
God's Hands
We are in a very rough stretch with Little Man. Very rough. We had a good stretch for awhile, but the last few months have been deteriorating and the last few weeks have been bad. We are truly at a loss how to parent him through this. Calls are being made and a plan of attack is underway. We can not continue this way. I can not. He can not. It is affecting him deeply - you can see it in his eyes. It is impacting our family. I am pissed, sad, exhausted, frustrated and feel guilty most of the time. That is no way to live. I can only imagine the emotions he is feeling.
He and I said prayers last night and asked God to help him make good decisions. We talked about when he gets mad at school or home to close his eyes and ask God to help him. And this morning when I asked him what he could do when he gets mad, he said “pray to God.” We said another prayer this morning while he was eating breakfast. And guess what? Little Man had a better morning today. He only had a few minor blow ups and only punched Lizard a few times, but he was able to get himself under control. And he did not argue about the toys I said he could not take to school. He got himself in the car and was generally happy.
For some reason we were downstairs early this morning so we had extra time. I even commented to the girls – why are we all so early this morning? On the way to drop Little Man off at school, my neighbor texted me saying she was going to request that Lizard and her daughter be placed together next year and asked if that was ok? I texted her back and said I wanted to do the same thing. Well guess what? The form was due today and I had no idea… I knew it was coming up and had thought about requesting that the girls be together. But not being in the school very much now that I am working more, I am out of the loop and miss stuff. Her text came at just the right time. Since we were early this morning, I had time to go to the school, find the form, get it turned in and still got to work on time.
Ok, how can I not think God had His hands in the events of this morning? We truly went to Him in prayer last night and He worked things out to take care of our kids today… Little Man with his issues (at least for this morning) and Lizard to help foster her friendship with our neighbor. One that is very good for her.
Now, some might say I am a Jesus freak, but I tell you… I can not miss that things go better when I pray. I found my wedding ring about 1 minute after I FINALLY said a prayer… when I finally prayed about all the mud slinging that recently occurred, I felt better. Things happen and God is beside me when I pray. Pretty hard for anyone to miss that today.
The road with Little Man is going to be long, but at least for a little while today, I could see hope.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Little Man'isms
I have to write these down so I do not forget…
Little Man said today when he sneezed, "Bless myself."
Then when he was putting on his clothes to go jump on the trampoline he asked me, "Do I look not naked?"
And my crazy Little Man ate a dill pickle covered in lemon juice and ranch dressing. Yuck. He informed us when we were all grossed out that "it is not good to all of you, but it is good to me."
Love that guy!
Little Man said today when he sneezed, "Bless myself."
Then when he was putting on his clothes to go jump on the trampoline he asked me, "Do I look not naked?"
And my crazy Little Man ate a dill pickle covered in lemon juice and ranch dressing. Yuck. He informed us when we were all grossed out that "it is not good to all of you, but it is good to me."
Love that guy!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
I Do Not Need the Pressure
So Little Man had a rough day yesterday… so rough I had to sign an incident report for four separate situations… not one or two, but four. All in one day. Neat.
He was apparently so excited over certain activities, he pushed a friend over, flat on their back with feet in the air… three times. No reason other than he was excited and could not control his hands. And then he and another child were having issues… the other little guy was hitting and my Little Man was mad and threw a chair at the other kid. Fabulous.
His teacher had the appropriate discussion with him, I spoke to his teacher about what happened and we talked to Little Man about what he did as well. Several times, I might add. We reminded him this morning about being kind, keeping our hands to ourselves and all the stuff you are suppose to teach your kids.
When I picked Drew up today from school, in his backpack was an apology letter from his friend that hit him telling Little Man he was sorry for hitting and that he would keep his hands to himself. It was obviously written by the child's parent, but Little Man's friend did sign his name.
Apology letters are a great learning tool. Even my girls have written a few in their day. At first, I felt horrible that I did not have Little Man "write" a note to his friend… throwing a chair could be viewed as worse than hitting. Then I thought about it and decided that apology notes in preschool are over the top. The whole point of an apology note is the learning moment for the child and for them to understand how their actions impact others. While it does also serve as a notice to the other parent that the offending act has not been sweep under the mat, it is the child's apology, not mine. Honestly, I think for 3-4 year olds, the point is lost.
So while I maybe should have done more to demonstrate to other parent it has been addressed, he is in preschool for pete's sake. It seems like society is pushing things on kids younger and younger. Your child better show up to kindergarten KNOWING their letters or your child is considered behind. Your 3.5 year old had better sit quietly while watching his sister swim or you get the eye rolling and whispers. You better expose your kids to every sport known to man and push them hard at a young age or they will not get a college scholarship.
I have high expectations of my kids and push them to be the best little people they can be, but frankly, I do not need the pressure and neither do my kids. I am confident Little Man will be writing his fair share of apology letters. But I will ensure he writes the note and means it, not me.
He was apparently so excited over certain activities, he pushed a friend over, flat on their back with feet in the air… three times. No reason other than he was excited and could not control his hands. And then he and another child were having issues… the other little guy was hitting and my Little Man was mad and threw a chair at the other kid. Fabulous.
His teacher had the appropriate discussion with him, I spoke to his teacher about what happened and we talked to Little Man about what he did as well. Several times, I might add. We reminded him this morning about being kind, keeping our hands to ourselves and all the stuff you are suppose to teach your kids.
When I picked Drew up today from school, in his backpack was an apology letter from his friend that hit him telling Little Man he was sorry for hitting and that he would keep his hands to himself. It was obviously written by the child's parent, but Little Man's friend did sign his name.
Apology letters are a great learning tool. Even my girls have written a few in their day. At first, I felt horrible that I did not have Little Man "write" a note to his friend… throwing a chair could be viewed as worse than hitting. Then I thought about it and decided that apology notes in preschool are over the top. The whole point of an apology note is the learning moment for the child and for them to understand how their actions impact others. While it does also serve as a notice to the other parent that the offending act has not been sweep under the mat, it is the child's apology, not mine. Honestly, I think for 3-4 year olds, the point is lost.
So while I maybe should have done more to demonstrate to other parent it has been addressed, he is in preschool for pete's sake. It seems like society is pushing things on kids younger and younger. Your child better show up to kindergarten KNOWING their letters or your child is considered behind. Your 3.5 year old had better sit quietly while watching his sister swim or you get the eye rolling and whispers. You better expose your kids to every sport known to man and push them hard at a young age or they will not get a college scholarship.
I have high expectations of my kids and push them to be the best little people they can be, but frankly, I do not need the pressure and neither do my kids. I am confident Little Man will be writing his fair share of apology letters. But I will ensure he writes the note and means it, not me.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
The Claws are Ready
I have been mulling this over in my brain for a few days so I decided to put it down. With Christmas season in full swing, the Christmas cards are arriving. It is wonderful to receive cards and greetings from friends down the street, far away friends and family friends from when we grew up.
One card we received had the usual greetings and well wishes. It also had some wonderful comments about the girls and how much of a pleasure they are. It also contained a comment about Little Man and how much of a challenge he is with the underlying message that he maybe is not as pleasant to be around. Knowing these people, I know logically the comment was benign and not meant to hurt… but it did, deeply.
My heart sunk with the thought that people have this view of my son. This is my underlying fear for Little Man… that people (family, friends, teachers, strangers) can not see past his behavior challenges to see the real soul that is there. He may not fit into everyone else's "proper little" 3.5 year old box, but that does not mean he should be written off or looked down on (or that we should be looked down on because we just can't seem to parent him properly to make him fit into some box or because someone thinks we have not taught him the word "no").
He is a soul that is smarter than most 3.5 year olds. He is a soul that is clever and funny. He is a soul that is very athletic. He is a soul that feels his emotions more than most. He is a soul that is strong in who he is. He is a soul that is not shy. He is a soul that is strong willed and stands by his position. He is a soul that cares for others. These are all qualities that most would argue will serve him well as an adult. I am learning as a parent that we should celebrate these characteristics instead of trying to squash them out of kids so they fit into some arbitrary box. My job as a parent is to create a box for him in today's society that fosters these qualities.
Little Man is a challenge, it is no secret. He has improved tremendously as he has gotten older. We are seeking expert advice in how to help him best. We are not idling sitting by watching and hoping things work out for the best. We are doing everything in our power to be the best parents to Little Man and doing what works for him. We are not parenting him based on what everyone else thinks we should or should not be doing with him.
After mulling this over and thinking things through, I am now just pissed. My bear claws are ready to swing at the first unfair comment or suggestion about how my little boy behaves or how we parent him. I know the view expressed in the card was colored by other people's opinions who have had very limited exposure to Little Man. It also hurts to know that our discussions over the years about Little Man's challenges, spoken in honesty and in moments of frustration, have colored people's view of him. And what hurts more is that view may not be changed, even with time, despite his best efforts or ours.
So my claws are sharpened and ready to defend my son. He is an amazing kid and I am sorry that some can not see past the surface; it is too bad because they are missing out.
One card we received had the usual greetings and well wishes. It also had some wonderful comments about the girls and how much of a pleasure they are. It also contained a comment about Little Man and how much of a challenge he is with the underlying message that he maybe is not as pleasant to be around. Knowing these people, I know logically the comment was benign and not meant to hurt… but it did, deeply.
My heart sunk with the thought that people have this view of my son. This is my underlying fear for Little Man… that people (family, friends, teachers, strangers) can not see past his behavior challenges to see the real soul that is there. He may not fit into everyone else's "proper little" 3.5 year old box, but that does not mean he should be written off or looked down on (or that we should be looked down on because we just can't seem to parent him properly to make him fit into some box or because someone thinks we have not taught him the word "no").
He is a soul that is smarter than most 3.5 year olds. He is a soul that is clever and funny. He is a soul that is very athletic. He is a soul that feels his emotions more than most. He is a soul that is strong in who he is. He is a soul that is not shy. He is a soul that is strong willed and stands by his position. He is a soul that cares for others. These are all qualities that most would argue will serve him well as an adult. I am learning as a parent that we should celebrate these characteristics instead of trying to squash them out of kids so they fit into some arbitrary box. My job as a parent is to create a box for him in today's society that fosters these qualities.
Little Man is a challenge, it is no secret. He has improved tremendously as he has gotten older. We are seeking expert advice in how to help him best. We are not idling sitting by watching and hoping things work out for the best. We are doing everything in our power to be the best parents to Little Man and doing what works for him. We are not parenting him based on what everyone else thinks we should or should not be doing with him.
After mulling this over and thinking things through, I am now just pissed. My bear claws are ready to swing at the first unfair comment or suggestion about how my little boy behaves or how we parent him. I know the view expressed in the card was colored by other people's opinions who have had very limited exposure to Little Man. It also hurts to know that our discussions over the years about Little Man's challenges, spoken in honesty and in moments of frustration, have colored people's view of him. And what hurts more is that view may not be changed, even with time, despite his best efforts or ours.
So my claws are sharpened and ready to defend my son. He is an amazing kid and I am sorry that some can not see past the surface; it is too bad because they are missing out.
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