Where Have I been?

Well, it seems I have commitment issues.  Mentally I committed to blogging more regularly… ahhh nope.  I committed here to Jon Acoff's FinishYear idea and updating regulary… ahh, nope again.  


But wow, the end of the school year hit, we have traveled, I committed to take on the team manager role for my daughter's soccer team (which is way more than coming up with a snack schedule and team party) and I started a new business.  It really has been a whirlwind of a few months.  So here is a simplified recap of the last few months:


1.  We moved my Mom to a dementia care facility at the end of April.  What a surreal thing to do.  She, in God's mercy, was at a point in her disease that she did not really recognize the move.  She has agitated and sad at first, but now seems comfortable and safe.  My Dad has been her safety net and thankfully the caregivers have become that for her.  Honestly the most difficult part is to see the transition for my Dad.  He is on his own in almost 50 years.  His wife is gone as if she has died, but she is still here living among us.  Dad is making his way, getting out and doing things he has not been able to do for quite awhile.  My only regret is I don't live closer.
2.  We traveled to California as a family to see my nephew graduate.  It was a really quick trip - lots of driving, but it was good to see my mom and the family.
3.  I took Soccer Girl to Seattle for a soccer tournament.  I am so thankful that Chief's parents came to help out with Little Man and Lizard.  Oh my what a chaotic trip it would have been if I had to take them with us.  It was good to travel with just Soccer Girl.  But there was no alone time.  Maybe another trip…
4.  I came across Wildtree a few months ago while surfing the Internet.  I had never heard of this company before.  After I clicked over to their website I was intrigued.  Wildtree is a direct sell company with an all natural food line that are made WITHOUT dyes, preservatives, fillers, MSG or high fructose corn syrup.  They allow you to make healthy homemade meals in the fraction of the time.  I mentioned what I discovered to Chief and wondered if this was something I could get into.  What is in our food has been a topic of interest of mind for some time… especially since we have had a gluten free diet for Lizard and have to watch food dyes and high fructose corn syrup for Little Man.  I pondered if the home party business was for me and kind of put it out of my mind.  Then within a two week time frame I can across Wildtree two more times, completely unrelated to the first time I had discovered it.  I was paying attention now God.  I contacted the company and after tasting some of their products I jumped in.  I am an official Wildtree Representative.  I am really excited about this opportunity.  It is a way to help people focus on healthy homemade food… I am excited about cooking again.  I can help people make easy meals that taste great without all the junk the food companies put into our normal grocery store items.  Plus there is a potential to add to our monthly finances from home... which is a must for me.  So click over to my website and take a look.  Let me know what you'd like to try.  I know you won't be disappointed. 


So those are the highlights.  I'll try my best to update more regularly.  And, I'll revamp my FinishYear goals.

My FinishYear

I just now came across Jon Acuff FinishYear idea.  I am a little late to the party, but I am going to tackle this.  I am going to update here periodically on my progress. 

1. Finish losing 50 pounds by December 31, 2012. 
2. Finish starting an online eBay store as a fun little side "business."  I have already made my first thrift store purchase with eBaying in mind!
3. Finish learning to knit and make dish clothes for Christmas presents.  I need to make about 20 so I better get going.
4. Finish rereading Proverbs over and over and over in 2012.
5. Finish praying consistently the daily prayers for my kids.
6. And stealing this from idea from Jon Acuff - Finish writing at least one handwritten note to someone each month. 

Fanning the Fire

How does one maintain the fire one gets from something you learn or desire to do?  Like when you start a new exercise plan or a healthy eating kick… how do you maintain the fire to keep going after a few weeks?  Or after feeling the sting of my impatience with my kids; the guilt I feel and the hurt on their faces… how do I maintain the daily patience and grace necessary to parent my children as they deserve to be parented? 

What makes some people who receive devastating medical news completely change their lifestyle?  And, why do some who receive the same type of news, do nothing to change their circumstances?  Why after losing someone they love, do some really see what life is all about and live a life according but others do not. 

I think it is human to slip back into old habits and old ways of reacting to things.  I think it is easier to do that than the hard work of changing who you are, not matter how much you desire to be or do something different.  It is a valid reason – we ARE afterall, human.  But what is it exactly beyond that allows some to make lasting changes and others can not?  Fear… laziness… lack of belief… poor self image… a strong faith… perseverance or lack there of… or maybe accountability? 

I have many wonderful plans.  I research, gain support (in my head or with others depending upon the plan), implement and even execute the plan.  However, what I lack is follow through on many of those plans.  I have had moments of follow through in my life… like sticking to my guns when I was a teenager despite much disappointment from my Dad when I did not want to continue with sailing lessons…   Like losing 40 pounds about 5 years ago… like reading the bible last year. 

A friend of mine mentioned how she has started using a journal in church to make notes on the sermon.  She got this idea after reading the book Radical.  I have not read the book… yet.  But from our conversation she was talking about being a student; writing things down to remember and do something with that information – study, research more, think about - instead of just hearing and forgetting as the busyness of life gets in the way.  I may not have remembered our conversation correctly, but hey, that is what I took away from it which has lead me to ponder things leading to this post. 

I like the idea of being a student.  I think I am good at that part, the studying and research part, the observation part.  What I need to become is a fire builder, someone who does something with their knowledge.  I went to college because it was always expected, that is just what you did.  I went through the motions and graduated as expected.  What I did not do in college is absorb. I did not gain a fire to do something with my knowledge.  The funny thing about fire is that no matter how good a fire you build, not matter how much research you do on the best position of your logs to get air flow, no matter much it rages fast and hot in the beginning… if you do nothing to it, it will eventually burn out.  The fire builder has to fan the flames, keep feeding it – do something to keep the heat and intensity.   

That feeding, that fanning is what sets people apart.  It is what moves some people to action for the long term burn, not just the hot fast action in the beginning of an idea or plan.  That feeding is what is moving my friend to journal our sermons.  It is that feeding that allowed me to lose weight without grumbling years ago.  God has given me a brain to use, desires and a heart to do certain things.  But ultimately it comes down to doing the work, taking action on my plans, knowledge and desires.   It comes down to the having the faith that I can continue the hard work over the long haul.  The most rewarding of things come from the hard work, not the planning.  So I will build and I will feed my fire.   

Faith can move mountains, but don’t be surprised if God hands you a shovel. 

Author unknown.  

When I Grow Up...

You know the question you ask kids… “what do you want to be when you grow up?”  The normal answers for my kids have been teacher, chef, firefighter, and as Little Man has said lately, a cement truck driver.  All noble professions for sure.  The trouble is, I can’t honestly answer that question now – at 43 years old.

I have been in human resources for well over 20 years.  I kind of fell into this field.  I started out of college with my “organizational communications” degree supporting a manager who handled HR and training for a company.  Over the years, I have been blessed to learn from very smart managers who saw my potential and allowed me to do things above my actual years of experience.  And, truth be told, I am good at it.  I am trusted to advise management well and have a knack for managing information without bias very well.

But, here is the rub - I do not want to do this any more.  I am tired of the employee relations issues (really tired of this!), having to re-has an issue with an employee again and benefits administration.  I have seen my fair share of crazy stuff over the years (like the employees who were caught having ah, hmmm “relations” in a store in the wee morning hours and could not figure out why they were being terminated – they honestly said “the store was not open, so what is the big deal?”  Hmmm, the big deal is a customer waiting for the bus outside the store saw you doing your thing ON THE CHECK STAND, that's why.  Think about that the next time you plunk your purse down to pay for something – eeewww).  Anyway, HR is not fulfilling to me.  It is not challenging, humorous at times, but not challenging.

I find it fascinating that something I am good at is NOT satisfying.  And the bigger rub is that I have no idea what else I want to do.  I have tried to rack by brain thinking of what would fill me up.  But I come up empty.  We are not blessed with the option of me not working at all.  I don’t have to work full time, but even if I did not have to work, I don’t know what else I would want to do.

I do know that I want more flexibility in my schedule.  I do not want to rely on others to get my kids to their activities.  This summer has been eye opening, humbling and guilt ridden.  We are fortunate to having very loving friends who are more than willing to help out.  Unfortunately, I hate asking for help when I believe, deep down, I should be the one do these things.  I worry that the kids are safe and where they are suppose to be.  I worry about the impact my absence has in my relationship with them and what I am missing.

So one thing has been decided – I will not work away from home by this time next year.  While I need to find something to replace my income, the stress the job I started last October has created in our family, the impact on the kids and what I am missing, is not worth it.  And to further spur our decision is the need for me to be involved in Little Man’s schooling when he starts Kindergarten next fall.  I can not be an absentee-working parent.  I need to know his teachers and be in the classroom and be known to the school administrators.  We owe him that.

Some hard choices will have to be made over the next year.  It will not be easy.  And honestly, I am worried we will not be able to follow through on this decision.  But I am more worried if we don’t.

Chief and I have had some heart felt discussion lately.  What do we want for our family, each other, ourselves?  What means the most to us.  These discussions were triggered by watching the movie the Notebook.  Oh my, if you haven’t watched this, grab a box of Kleenex and your husband and watch it.  It is a true love story.  This movie took on a special meaning for us since my Mom is struggling with Alzheimer’s.  I think for the first time, I could see the impact this disease may have on my relationship with my husband.  And how it is so important to make the most of the days you are blessed with.  While I may have many days, I don’t know that I will remember all of them given my family history.  The memories we make and impact I have on my children are a gift, and I don’t want to waste it working in something that does not bring me joy just to pay some stupid Visa bill. 

Leaving

One of my very dear friends just moved away… for good.  We have known each other for about 7 years and we have become very good friends in the last few years.  I have never really had a friend move away, even as a kid.  I grew up in one house, in one town.  And, most of my friends did too.  In college you expect people to go their own direction and “leave” after school, either to return to their home towns or take a job somewhere else.  My best friend from college went on to graduate school while I got a job.  We are still in touch (she is even coming to visit this summer!) but we have never really lived near each other (unless you count our dorm rooms).  So this is really the first time someone I am close to has left. 

It is strange.  I am excited for my friend's new adventure and what it means for her family and her personally.  But honestly, I am nervous and sad.  Nervous that our GNO group will fall apart… that I will not continue to challenge myself to grow in my faith… that I won’t have someone to give me an honest perspective on Little Man and his challenges… that I won’t be connected as much… that I won’t have someone who wants to get together with me and my kids.  And I am sad that she will not be in my life on a regular, personal basis.  She is a Facebook friend, but it is just not the same. 

I know I am responsible for my own growth and for making and keeping friends.  But my friend is really good about finding something for me to step up to (reading the bible in a year, memorizing verses, reading, having a conversation on a deeper level than just “kid talk,” etc.).  Something of these things I would never do on my own.  My friend steps out to make play dates and initiates getting together with people.  She is the first one to call (or text actually!).  I love doing those things, but I do not take the initiative.  I guess I make the assumption the other person does not really want to get together and is just being nice or they are too busy with their own lives.  I am afraid with my friend not prompting me, I will shrink back into my little world because I am not stepping out.  And I am a little angry at myself for not taking her example and being more responsible for my own connections to people and growth. 

So, I am going to honor my friend:

I will be the person who initiates things. 

I will be the person to read for the pure pleasure of reading, despite the distractions of life.

I will be the person to get involved in things that mean something to me on-my-own, without being asked. 

I will be the person to keep our GNO group organized. 

I will be the person to organize the book club several of us have talked about. 

I will be the person who, in the heat of the moment with Little Man, will remember my friend’s words. 

I will do these things, not because she wants me to.

I will do these things because she helped me discover that I want these things.

So my friend, cheers to your next chapter.  I can’t wait to see what God has in store for you.

friend, faith builder, reality check and tequila shots

You mean the world to me.

On Guard

A few weeks back I was talking to someone about the divorce statistic like one in five couples end up in divorce.  Don’t quote me on the statistic, I haven’t Googled it or anything; but it is something like that.  I said you look around our neighborhood and of the 70 or so homes; divorce has had to impact some of them.  At the time, I didn’t know of anyone.  I speculated in my mind who might be “one” of the five (purely based on rumor or speculation).  Well yesterday, the “one” was identified.  A neighbor’s house around the corner had a new For Sale sign out front.  Another neighbor’s daughter happened to be in the car with us when we saw the sign.  When I commented on the sign, she said they were getting a divorce (according to her mother who knows the family).  What a life changing event.  The mom has gone back to work, the kids have lost their stablility, the Dad is not involved on a day to day basis… now they are losing their family home.  I do not know them well other then an occasion wave or quick conversation.  But, my heart just aches for the two of them and their kids. 

Just yesterday I ran into another statistic on the internet that about 65% of divorces are not the plate throwing messy splits your read about.  That 65% of divorces are because the couple just fell out of love, had a mediocre marriage or just drifted apart and wanted different things. 

These few promptings really have put on me how much I need to guard my own marriage.  Chief and I have a wonderful marriage.  He is my best friend and can make me laugh like no one else.  We work well together… we can bounce ideas off each other and usually come up with a good plan.  My heart still skips when I think of him; not every time (heck we have been married for 14 years), but it does still skip!  But, with the busyness of life, I think we take for granted how well we like each other and we take for granted that we will always like each other.  If we do not guard against the distractions of the world, we could wake up to find we are the “one in five”; not the plate throwers (I will want to take my dishes with me!), but one of the 65% that just drifted apart. 

Disclaimer:  Our marriage is not in trouble!  Please don’t read this as a foreshadowing of an impending divorce.  Far from it.  We have a wonderful relationship… not without bumps like any marriage… but a wonderful one.  This has just got me thinking that divorce could happen to anyone (even to those that say divorce is not an option) if you do not guard yourselves and your relationship.

Ok back to my thoughts… So as Chief and I celebrate our 14^th wedding anniversary in a few days, I am going to guard my marriage.  I am going to protect what we have.  I am going to put our relationship on the top of the list and I am going to edit things out to be able to do that.  My marriage is a precious gift to me.  I love you Chief. 

Editing

I ran across an article today in my travels on the internet at work. For the record, I was looking for something work related, but you know how you click once or twice and then you are off track.  But once in awhile, you click on a gem… like today.  Here is the link to the article.  Oh, and I did forward to our management team so it became work related.


The article talks about Steve Jobs' advice to new Nike CEO, Mark Parker.  “Do you have any advice?”  Parker asked Jobs.  “Well, just one thing,” said Jobs. “Nike makes some of the best products in the world.  Products that you lust after.  But you also make a lot of crap.  Just get rid of the crappy stuff and focus on the good stuff.”  Parker said Jobs paused and Parker filled the quiet with a chuckle.  But Jobs didn’t laugh.  He was serious. “He was absolutely right,” said Parker.  “We had to edit."


Parker used the word ‘edit’ not in a design sense but in the context of making business decisions.  Editing also leads to great product designs and effective communications. According to Steve Jobs, “People think focus means saying yes to the thing you’ve got to focus on.  But that’s not what it means at all.  It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully.  I’m actually as proud of the things we haven’t done as the things I have done.  Innovation is saying ‘no’ to 1,000 things.” {quoted directly from the article}.


Obviously that is amazing advice in the business world.  But I pondered all morning how that advice applies to life in general.  Do I edit my life so I can focus on quality?  Hmmm, no.  Would I have courage to edit so I could focus?  Maybe. 


This will be a topic I will continue to ponder.  And maybe blog about some more as I come to some conclusions.  Hmmm, editing...

The Invisible Women

That is exactly what has been gnawing at me. I feel invisible. I have labeled it lately to Chief as feeling ignored… invisible.


Nicole Johnson is an author, performer and motivational speaker. She creates skits to portray women and their struggles and challenges. I saw her once at the Women of Faith conference and she was wonderful. While I did not see this skit in person, I have seen it in the past and it resonated with me then. But, I it just resonated with me big time. I know it is not a coincidence I ran into it again now. Take six minutes and watch.

I have wanted acknowledgement that raising three kids is hard and I am underappreciated. It is a great sacrifice to be a parent. It is an honor to be my children’s mother. And, yes it is underappreciated in the day to day moments of mothering. It is a thankless job. I think intellectually most people know these things when they become a parent. Any parent would sacrifice their life for their child. What is difficult is how that sacrifice plays out in the day to day walk of everyday life… the homework monitoring, the struggle to clean the house, the soccer practice routine, the paper hoarding of a seven year old, and the dents in the wall from thrown toys.

Where I have steered off the path is that I should not expect thanks. It is not my children’s job to pat me on the back and say thanks for doing their laundry. It is my job let them know in everything I do that they are loved no matter what, regardless of the thanks or acknowledgement I get. My selfishness will not accomplish that. My responsibility is to build the best people I can… build the character of these little people entrusted to me… all without thanks, acknowledgment or atta boys.


On Nicole’s website freshbrewedlife.com and in the video, she speaks of a book about the great cathedrals.  After reading the book the following four life-changing truths emerged and after which she would pattern her work [of raising children]:

1. No one can say who built the great cathedrals – we have no records of their names
2. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished
3. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit
4. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything

She goes on to say “As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we’re doing it right. And one day it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, [but] at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.”

I do not want a record of what I have done and I do not want credit. I want my kids to come home.

My Walk

Last week while surfing some of the blogs I follow, I came across a story of a 38 year old women in Denver, Joanne, who had a massive stroke.  Her nine year old daughter found her.  She is just now starting to come off the drugs that have kept her in a deep coma (essentially no brain activity) to help keep the swelling down in her brain (she also endured surgery to remove part of her skull to alleviate the pressure).  Her husband has been posting on her blog.  Her future is uncertain and they have no idea of the extent of her brain damage.

I have never read her blog before this.  From reading through her posts, I am sorry I did not discover her sooner.  I think I would have really enjoyed getting to "know" her through her writing.  She seems to be a honest writer, loves Jesus and her kids.  She seems to have a sense of humor and from her pictures, seems alive.  She has written a few books so I just might have to add one or two to my 2011 reading list.

I have read about other heartbreaking events through the blogging world.  Things that make you stop in your tracks and give thanks to God for the blessings in my life.  But for some reason, I can not seem to stop thinking about her and what her family… her two young girls (9 and 12) and her husband must be going through.   I can not imagine the emotional struggle they must be enduring.  For some reason her story has hit a cord with me.

It is her age.  38.  38.  That is five years younger than me.  It is her girls.  I have two of my own, not far from her daughter's ages.  It is the suddenness.  One minute she is running on her treadmill and the next minute her life has been forever changed.  It is the sadness for her girls for the Mom they knew that is possibly gone forever, while still being here physically.  It is an incredible sympathy for her husband and how his life partner was suddenly taken from him.  It is all those things and probably lots more.

It has really made me think.  How would I handle such an event?  Are our "affairs" in order so that Chief could handle the day to day home management easily?  I have heard more than once, that it is the logistics of a tragedy that are often the hardest to get a handle on intitially… What bills need to be paid?  Where are the bills?  What is the doctor's phone numbers?  Does Chief have our friends phone numbers to call in an emergency to help with the kids?  Where is our will?  Where are our medical directives?  Are they still accurate?

The other thing that has struck me much deeper than that, is my walk with Christ.  I do not know if I would grow closer to God or run in the opposite direction.  I am afraid to admit, I think I would run… or at least a slow mental walk away from Him… I think.  I think I would get so stuck on the "why" of it, I would not see past the hurt, emotion and loss.

Friends of ours were involved in a car accident five years ago.  Their oldest daughter who had just turned seven died and her Mom, my friend, was severely injured.  I turned closer to God at that time.  The only thought I had was "there has to be some purpose for this" and only God could answer what that was.  I still do not know and will never know until I reach heaven.  It was during that time that I "cried" out to God to let my friend come back to her family.  I was sitting in her hospital room watching her sleep, listening to the moans and cries for help of a patient down the hall. It was a short prayer in my head but so direct I remember exactly what I "said" to God.  He heard me.  That was the only time I have truly felt his presence.  God was in that room with me.  I have felt peace from God other times and said many heartfelt prayers, but that is the one time He was present with me.

That gives me some comfort to know that I was not angry with God in that situation.  But, while I was close to my friend, I did not lose my daughter.  I did not "lose" my husband to a massive stroke.  I pray that if ever faced with something like that personally, I would feel God's presence.  I am afraid that one never knows until you personally are in that situation.   Joanne's husband wrote a very thought provoking post about this very subject that I think is worth reading.  I pray that I could honestly write such a post if I were in his shoes.

Last spring during bible study there was a discussion on walking with God during the plateaus in your life so that when you are in a valley you turn to Him.  I am not sure my daily walk would get me through the valleys, especially a long valley.   I want it to.

My challenge is to grow in my relationship with God so I know without a doubt I would not run if tragedy struck.  My challenge is to do the work it takes to be in a relationship, not just attending church.  People have told me to write down the times you know God is working in your life so you can recall them when you are in the valley.  Good advice.  I guess a blog is a good place for that.

Hello 2011

Another year is here… 2011.  It is unbelievable how fast last year went.  I really understand now how people would tell you how fast life will go by as you get older.  They were not kidding.

2010 saw my oldest turn eleven and really hit the swing between being a kid and a young lady; my middle one now really reads and took a stand that she is not going to play soccer. And, my littlest guy started preschool with much more success that we anticipated.  Chief was able to leave a horrible job that he had for 2.5 years and start one that he loves; and one where they appreciate his talents and expertise.  I started another part time job to help ease the household budget.  All in all it was a good year. 

I am here to report I succeed in two of the three goals I set for 2010.  I officially started my photography business.  I had a great time photography families and loved doing five senior picture shoots.  And, I guess I can say it is a full-fledged business since I got paid for all those jobs.  I also accomplished reading the bible in a year, finishing at 8 p.m. on New Year’s Eve – nothing like a deadline to motivate me.  I, however, failed miserably at losing 35 pounds.  I guess two out of three is not bad.

My goals for 2011 are:

1.     Get healthy.  That involves losing weight for sure, but more important than that, is reclaiming some energy.  Trying to be less crabby and more engaged in whatever I am doing.  To me, that is healthy.  I want to be a woman who glows from the inside; the one who is engage, active and healthy. 

2.     Learn to knit.  My grandmother knit… a lot.  She would make complicated fisherman knit sweaters and also knit little stocking caps to give to the nursery at her local community hospital.  She always made red and green ones at Christmas time.  That just makes me smile.  I do not want to set the knitting world on fire, just learn a basic stitch or two. 

3.     Read more.  My brain needs activity and I love to read.  I just do not make time for it and it is kind of hard to get lost in a book when you hear “Mom” literally every 4.3 minutes.  But I will try.

My oldest daughter discovered my first gray hair on December 31^st and I discovered another one just this morning.  What a way to ring in the new year, but at almost 43 (on Saturday!) I can not complain.  I am definitely feeling older and more sentimental as time passes.  I am just breathing in Little Man’s smell because his “being little” years are flying by.  I can see our lives with teenagers, something I could not imagine a year or two ago.  It is all good, but it is becoming crystal clear how important being engaged is to me and how important to be present in every moment. 

So bring it on 2011 and may I remember these words every day and put them to practice.   

Six Simple Words

The girls have fairly large white boards in their new rooms. They love to play school all the time and use them a lot. Money well spent if you are pondering getting one. One of the fun outcomes of having those boards is our nightly ritual of writing something on each board before the kids go to bed. Sometime I write; sometimes Chief writes… sometimes both… sometimes the girls write to each other. The girls love to read what we wrote before they go to bed or when they wake up, if we do it after they are asleep. It has been a really easy way to encourage them, give advice, joke, practice math facts or whatever. They love it and we do too!

One night a few weeks ago I wrote on Soccer Girl's board. She was really tired from lots of activities – soccer practice, speed and agility training (holy smokes!), play dates, a sleep over and a soccer tournament. She was a little overwhelmed and just plain exhausted. I wrote a few things and then wrote…”remember to rest, read, play, pray, listen and love this week”. I had not started out writing with those thoughts in my mind, but as I wrote rest and read (trying to encourage her to lay low and not be on the go so much), the other words just flowed out of my hand… to the lime green marker I was using… to the white board.

Now several weeks later, those six words are still on her board, written up in a corner in small print. I noticed the other day that she had now underlined them. I have thought of those six words a lot since then. I think they are brilliant, if I do say so myself. Each is so simple in meaning, but has so much impact.

Rest… everyone needs true rest from life’s busyness; time to themselves, just for themselves.
Read… there is so much to learn, adventures to take and humor in books. So much can be gained by making time to read.
Play… taking the time to truly play and enjoy life does a lot for your mind and body.
Pray… so much peace and focus comes from praying.
Listen… we all can learn so much more if we stop talking and stop our brains to just listen to others.
Love… how much better would this world be if we let others know how much we love them? Show them with your actions and words (and the thoughts in your head).

So while I may have written those six words down for my daughter, I think I also wrote those six words for myself. Words to live by…six simple words.

How I'm Doing

Well, two out of my three main goals for 2010 are going well. I have been keeping up on my reading of the bible and I am making headway on launching photography and should meet my deadline of March 1st.

Losing weight has not gone so well. I am down 3 pounds but that is probably more from being sick the last few days then my mad skills at losing weight. It is curious to me what triggers people to lose with and work at it so diligently. I lost 37 pounds about 4 years ago. I just made a decision and worked at it – no looking back. I ate the right foods – veggies and fruit, did not eat fast food, and drank tons of water. It just clicked.

Here I am again but it has not clicked for me this time yet. I am happy to say I did not gained all 37 pounds back and that is all with turning 40 and having a 3rd baby! But I don’t know what IT was before. My original goal was to lose 50 pounds and to be healthier and shop where ever I wanted. I did that and stopped at 37 pounds because I had meet my ultimate goal of being healthier. I was happy. I can still say I am healthier then I was and can still shop anywhere. But I don’t feel that way deep down.

Some things have clicked for me though - no more fast food. It is not that I eat it that often, but when I do, I feel horrible almost immediately. I am done with being lazy, because that is most often when I eat fast food – I haven’t planned a meal, am running late, whatever. I am better off not eating then eating that stuff and feeling like I have the last few times.

I am not giving up for sure and will keep plugging away. Pray for some more “clicking” to happen for me soon!

Getting My Moxie Back

I am feeling very optimistic about 2010 - we watched the "Night at the Museum Two - Battle at the Smithsonian" with the kids on New Year's Eve.  In there, Amelia Earhart talked about "moxie". 

Moxie according to the definition here is the ability to face difficulty with spirit and courage; gumption, guts, nerve.  That's how I feel we are facing the new year - with gumption, courage and spirit on many levels.

I am signed up to run the Hippie Chick half-marathon again in May and will start training again this week to build up my base mileage.  Running for me takes moxie because I am not a natural runner; absolutely hated it as kid.  And, I am slow.  But it makes me feel strong and that I can do anything.  So I am starting off this New Year gathering up my moxie and it feels good.

Next Year Goals

Well, I have not been very good about writing down my thoughts and that darn menu plan.  I still menu plan as always, but I’ve decided I will not put it on my blog – it does not seem necessary to me after all.

Lots has been swirling around in my head and I not been too focused.  I could blame it on the hussle of the Christmas season, but I won't.  That is too easy.  It is not Christmas and all that goes with it.  It is simply my thinking lots of things and not taking the time to write it down.  But that will be changing with the New Year.

Chief and I have come up with an idea for our family for 2010… not really New Year’s resolutions, but more of goals we are striving to work on this year (so I guess you could say they are resolutions, sort of). The girls seemed excited about it and Lizard immediately came up with a few for herself.  I am still formulating mine but the big ones I have are:

Read the entire bible by January 1, 2011
My small group of women from our church who get together once a month for a Girl’s Night Out are going to do it together with a "girls weekend at the beach" for those that complete it as the reward – how fun is that?  Click here for the schedule I am going to follow.  Chief is going to do it with me too!  I have never read the entire bible, only bits and pieces based on the bible study I am doing at the time or from sermons.  I am really looking forward to the lessons God is going to show me through this.  Thank you Jennifer L. for encouraging us all to do it.

Lose 35 pounds by September 1, 2010
I am going to take the “Move More, Eat Less” approach… with “real GOD made” food as the focus and eating less sugar, eating more fruits and veggies and more protein and eating smaller portion sizes as my guide. I do not want to follow some rigid “diet” – I just want to eat healthy at least 80% of the time.  I am going to loose about 5 pounds a month which is about right – nice and slow!

Launch photography business by March 1, 2010
I have done three official photo shoots for friends (oh what fun it was!) and feel I am ready to put myself out there as a beginning photographer for hire.  I need to develop my website, get the legalities in order and begin to advertise.  It will be so fun to see what happens with this!

Some other ideas swirling around up there are… keeping to a regular blogging schedule, more topical writing on the blog, developing a regular chore schedule for the kids (I have done them in the past, but they always seems to fall by the wayside), following the Ramsey plan for our family better and lots more. There are both big and small goals in the works, but all ones I want to work on incorporating into our Goal Plan.

So… I’d better start reading my bible so I stay on task with my first goal… 2010 here I come!