Trying

Soccer Girl tried out for and made the first cut for a state soccer training program.  Essentially the program (which most states have) evaluates players who try out to be in a training pool for six months.  Then each training center makes decisions about who will be on the "state" team.  She has passed the first hurdle.

Last year we kind of pushed her into trying out for the experience.  We talked to her about seeing what possibilities are out there, playing with other kids (she has played essentially with the same group of girls for years) and just seeing another level of play.  We told her if she does not make it, so what… she tried and stepped out of her comfort zone.  That is in and of itself is an accomplishment.  She did not make it.  

This year, we asked her if she wanted to try out again.  She thought about it and said yes.  It was her decision.  So off we went.  She missed the first of three tryouts due to vacation.  As we watched her two try outs, she played really well demonstrating her skills.  She messed up some as they all did.  But you never know what the evaluators see.  We felt she was right in there skill-wise with the other girls.  Overall we felt she did well, but seemed a bit tentative.  She is a kid that does not step out of her comfort zone much.  She didn't know many kids and was nervous.  But she played well and that is all we ever expect.  Then it was out of her hands. 

Her name was posted about two weeks ago as having made the training pool of players.  When I told her, I said, "You made ODP."  The look on her face was pure shock… I wish I had a picture.  She said, "I did?"  Then a moment later, she smiled slightly.  Then after a few seconds of thought she quietly said to herself, "Maybe I am good enough."  Bless her heart.

Sweet Girl, you are good enough… even if you didn't make it.  You went out there and played well.  You showed your skills and that is all anyone can ever ask.  I know it was not easy and you were very nervous and reluctant, despite your desire to try out.

So she starts training once a week for the next six months. She recently told me that maybe she doesn't want to do it now. That is her fear of the unknown, wavering confidence and nerves.  We are trying to boost her confidence and let her know that no matter what happens in March, the training she is going to receive is an opportunity to push herself and grow not only in soccer, but many other areas of life.  You will never know what will happen if you don't try.  

source:  http://www.fitfabcities.com/tag/motivation/

Be Safe

Soccer Girl leaves for outdoor school tomorrow.  Three nights and four days away from home.  This is the first time she has been away from home that long without mom and dad.  No cell phones, no texting, no iTouches, nothing electronic.  My heart would feel better with one text from her that she arrived safely.  She is not too nervous, but did say this morning she doesn't really want to go.  So grown up, but still so little.  I am OK right now, but I think by Wednesday I might be just a wee but bit anxious.

I have faith she will make smart decisions, follow the rules and have fun.  From what friends have told me who went as a kid, it is memory she will have forever.  She will learn a ton and experience life without mom and dad, at least a little bit.  I pray she has an amazing week and stays safe not only physically but mentally and spiritually.  And my secret prayer is for to come home with a renewed gratefulness for her family.

The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe.

Proverbs 18:10

Intentional Parenting

I tend to be a reactive parent.  I strive to be intentional.  I work hard at learning and educating my kids in the ways of the world.  But unfortunately, I succumb to the tiredness and frustration and don't have the finest parenting moments a lot of times.  Like I blow my top when the dishes are put in the sink instead of the dishwasher for the 10th time that day (come on people, it is right next to the sink!).  Or I promise myself that I am going to play with Little Man instead of letting Legos entertain him for an hour after he gets home from preschool… but I succumb to the quiet the Legos provide and then feel guilty.  Not the finest parenting moments for sure.

But, I am proud to say I had a good, intentional, teachable moment with Soccer Girl last week.  While sitting at swimming lessons for Little Man and Lizard, I asked to see her cell phone.  I routinely spot check her phone, contacts and text messages.  She is fully aware of this and often it is done in a fun way after we have talked about some particular text she told me about.  Her reaction was out of character… she said "well Mom, I deleted {insert name of boy who likes her} texts so you could not read them."  I asked why and she said, again uncharacteristically, "well there are way more things going on than you know about."  This was said in a very disrespectful tone and again VERY uncharacteristic of Soccer Girl.  I simply said "give me your phone" and I put in my purse.

I kept my mouth shut for quite awhile.  I will pause here, because this is HUGE for me.  I normal ramble on and on making my point.  But, I wisely kept my mouth shut.  After a little bit, I asked what is going on that I do not know about.  She said that {insert boy who likes her} had texted her that he "loved her."  She said it was in a joking manner over a week ago and was not a big deal.  I asked her if it was not a big deal, why did she feel the need to delete her text?  Silence.  I then went on to say that the tone in which she spoke to me is unacceptable and that what he texted her was not appropriate.  I will pause here to say this boy is a good kid, very respectful and upfront with his parents and knows Chief and I are aware of his fondness for Soccer Girl.

So we finished up swimming, showered, and stopped at the store to get a few things.  I remained silent and did not comment or reprimand.  Again, HUGE for me.  Soccer Girl knew the seriousness of what was going on since my reaction was so out of character for me.  On the way home, Soccer Girl began to cry in the seat next to me and looked out the window.  I simply rubbed her back for a few minutes and again kept my trap shut.

The whole time I am talking with myself…. how are you going to handle this one?  What is making you so mad?  Is it that this boy said I love you or that she hide the text?  Is that she was so disrespectful?  It came down to trust.  I have never questioned Soccer Girl.  She has never given us any reason to not trust her.  That was the bottom line.  I was a bit peeved at the I love you statement.  But honestly, her actions were untrustworthy and that did not sit well with me.

After getting Little Man to bed, I talked with Soccer Girl.  We talked about what our actions tell people about ourselves and what our actions say to the other person about what you think of them.  I explained her actions told me I may not be able to trust her.  We talked about with trust comes freedom.  I also told her that the manner in which she spoke to me was disrespectful and told me that she did not think I have any idea what is going on with her or kids her age.  I explained I was not mad about what he texted (although it was totally inappropriate and raises questions in our minds about him); it was the manner in which she chose to handle herself.

We went on to talk about when she is with her friends, when she does/says something OR does not do/does not say something, she is sending a message to them about her values.  She needs to convey her values, what she believes is right and wrong in everything she does.  We talked about it not being easy, even for an adult.  But it is so important that her friends know where her "line in the sand" is.  This is a phrase we have used for a long time.  We have talked about why some parents let their kids watch movies we would not let her watch…. their line in the sand is different then ours.  We have used this in reference to music or ability to do certain things… it is all based on where our line stands.  So she knows what a "line in the sand" means.  We talked about if your friends don't honor your line, they are not a true friend.  But you have to let them know what is OK and what is not OK… where you stand.

Overall, we had a really good discussion.  I think she got what I was trying to explain to her.  She is smart like that.  And, I did not ramble.  I did not drone on and on.  We had a discussion and I think I set the tone for the teen years and how important trust is in our  relationship.  At least I pray I did.

Time Does Fly!

Well, that was an unplanned break!  I can not believe over a month has gone since I last posted.  Honestly, I had lots of thoughts to write down last month.  I think I even sat down a few times to start a post and then got pulled away for some reason.  But, time does fly, especially when you are not looking...

So I am going to resort to a good old bullet type list to catch this blog up to date:

1.  I am back to working one morning a week.  My "free" time without kids last month was taken up with Christmas stuff - gift buying, trip planning and other such stuff.  It has been a very good thing to be home more again.  I think everyone is happier (except maybe the bank account).  I feel more like myself again.

Now that the New Year is here, I am trying to get a groove going.  I don't want to waste time.  I want to be intentional.  I need to focus on adding some more work to my schedule (consulting and/or some other avenue), but I am looking for a flexible from home set up.  Our family needs me home.  That is one thing I know.  

2.  We spent Christmas in Sunriver - just the five of us.  It was heaven!  We love our extended families to death.  We all get along, don't fight or have much underlying tension I hear some families have.  We have a good time playing games, eating and all that fun stuff.  But we have either hosted family or traveled (and all the house hopping that entails) every Christmas our ENTIRE marriage.  We have never had Christmas morning with just us.  It was waaaayyyy overdue.

We ate easy meals, I read a whole book in three days, the kids ran around and did what they wanted without too much correction from us to settle down, we went on bike rides, walks (hmmm, yah… there was NO snow!!!  I am still ticked about that), went in the hot tub and just enjoyed being together with no schedule or food to have done at a certain time.  It was a much needed refresher for our family.

3.  Lizard is starting speech intervention at school this week.  The crazy kid sounds like she is from Boston.  She was in early intervention for speech articulation in preschool.  When she was tested in Kindergarten, she did not "qualify" for intervention.  We have however, been watching her "R" sounds for quite awhile and while they were better in Kindergarten, they have slowly gotten worse over the years.  She is excited about fixing her sound.  Poor thing was upset about getting assigned the number "four" jersey in basketball.  She was upset that she would have tell people she was "four" and not be able to say it right because of her "R" sound.

4.  Soccer Girl is doing great in school.  She made honor roll!  Oh my...  The middle school drama.  She is not actually "in" the drama, but is having a great time telling me all about it… who likes who, who does what, who has changed, who she thinks is headed for trouble and all that.  She said to me after her first day back at school from break, "Mom, big news at school.  So and So (name removed to protect the innocent) got her eyebrows fixed."  Oh my, to be twelve!  She has been very open with us about the one boy (who she has know since Kindergarten) who likes her.  He is a good kid and very nice so I am not too worried… at least so far.

It is interesting how the boy thing works now days.  Texting has added a whole new level of communication between young kids.  When I was twelve, a boy had to get up the nerve and call you.  Now, they can just text you… at 10 o'clock at night.  Heaven help us!

5.  Little Man.  While there are times I could just eat him because he is so sweet and kind, there are other times, I could ring his neck.  We met with his teacher in December and received some sobering information, not surprising... but sobering nonetheless.  And, we have begun working with a psychologist.  She has diagnosed him with ADHD - hyperactive/impulsive.  We are not surprised since we have had so many issues for so long, but we don't believe it to some extent because the questionnaires we completed are just a snap shot in time.  And he does not "look" like the typical ADHD kid who hangs from the rafters.  But, any "diagnosis" for your child is hard to accept, I guess.  So we are starting our journey… I will obviously post more as we learn more and work out a plan.

6.  I turned 44.  Neat.

That, I think, are the highlights of the last month.  I am glad to ring in a new year with all the possibilities.

Thankful: Day 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28

Behind again!

Day 23 - realizing that while she is growing up fast, Soccer Girls is still very innocent.  When filling out a form at the doctor's office, she asked if she lived in a shelter.  No sweetie, you don't.

Day 24 - my extended family and having an abundance of food.

Day 25 - enjoying a good lazy day.

Day 26 - loving on a sweet puppy.  She almost came home with us... if she wasn't $700.00!!

Day 27 - spending time at the library all by myself.  It was just about 30 minutes, but it was so nice.  The possibilities are endless...

Day 28 - waking my kids up in the morning.  They are safe at home and are so beautiful.

Thankful: Day 5 & Day 6

Day 5 - time alone with Chief.  Between work, activities and life in general, time without interruptions is few and far between.  Even thought we just ran to the mall to help me find new jeans, it was so nice to spend a few hours alone.

Day 6 - watching Soccer Girl on the soccer field.  She is a natural athlete and so fun to watch.  I am so proud to be her Mom.

Thankful: Day 1 & 2

I have noticed on Facebook and the blog world the challenge to post one thing you are thankful for each day in November.  I like that.  I am going to post my "30 days of thankfuls" here on my blog.  Maybe a few at a time, but 30 days of what I am grateful for… what makes me smile.

A dear friend of mine gave me Ann Voskamp's book One Thousand Gifts.  It is a thought provoking book about finding thankfulness in your day to day life; in the daily grind of a messy kitchen and arguments over homework.  If you have not read it, I would highly recommend it.

Day 1 - my three children.
Day 2 - hearing rain pour down while I am inside my warm house.

Back to School

Well, the kids have been back to school for a month and I am just getting around to this post.  Yah.  Ahh… it has been hectic to say the least.

Little Man is in 4's preschool at the same school and class.  So his "back to school" was pretty uneventful.  He has the same teachers he has had since last June.  There are a group of new kids and he has done fairly well adjusting.  He has good days and bad days.  He has a really hard sharing his "show and share" toy so recently he has been "banned" from participating for awhile until he can demonstrate he can share.  We will give a whirl in a few weeks.

We are still tackling his behavior issues going through good patches and rough ones.  I texted a friend last week that we have been firmly in Holland for several days.  It is hard to admit but I always dread walking into his school because I do not know how the day has gone.  I breath a sigh of relief when I round the first corner and can see that Little Man is not in the director's office.  Then I take a deep breath of relief if I do not have to sign an incident report.  I did not really realize I felt that way until recently.  It has been happening for a long time, but I did not recognize my thoughts where consistent each time I pulled up.  Sad but true.

I am a work in progress.  I fail miserably embracing all that makes up my Little Man.  It pains me that I struggle with him in public.  That pain makes me alter my plans so I do not have to deal with the frustration I feel and looks I receive.  Some days I can embrace his challenges and hold my head high.  Other days, I can not.  A work in progress… still.

Lizard is in third grade.  She is with two of her best buddies and loves her teacher.  She has slide into the school year with almost no hiccups.  And, what I love best about this year, is that I altered my morning schedule so I can take her to school.  She and I drop off Little Man at preschool and then I drive her to school.  We usually have about 10 minutes until she can go into school.  So we wait in the car… just the two of us.  Sometime we talk about serious stuff and other times we just kid around.  I love it.

She is cheer leading at the football games.  She loves it and maybe has finally found her thing.  She is taking it seriously and we all have the cheers stuck in our head from her practicing at home.  "Go Knights!"  She is also signed up for basketball in the winter… all 45 pounds of her!

Soccer Girl is in 6th grade - a middle schooler!  She really was not too nervous before school started, just wondering about the volume of homework in store for her.  On the first day, I took the morning off and drove her to school.  When I told her it was time to go, she said a very nervous "oh man" and looked at me with pleading eyes.  But my big girl gathered up her stuff and took a deep breath, gave me a kiss and got out of the car.  She walked with her head high into the school.

She has adjusted very well.  I think the biggest adjustment has been the social activity… all the who likes who, who is mad at who now stuff.  She has stayed away from it, but seems to like to be in the know.  Luckily she will tell me who likes her, what so and so did or said.  I pray that communication continues as the years pass.

So overall the start of the school year has been good.  Just busy.  I have an hour with Little Man before Lizard gets home, then an hour with the two of them before Soccer Girl arrives.  Then typically we need to be at some activity within the next hour.  It makes for very hectic weeks.  Lots of quick dinners and not much down time.  Our little family needs down time so we are trying to work that in and say no when we need to to get it.  Like the other night, I had plans to go out to dinner with two good friends.  It was a rough day - everyone yelling and fighting - so I bowed out of the dinner at the last minute and stayed with my family.  It was the right thing to do.  

The High Road

When someone you love is wrongly accused of something it is very difficult to take the high road.

Chief volunteers for a sports board here in town out of his love for the game.  Through a long chain of events, through decisions made by a board of six people (Chief was one of six board members and for the record, the initial decision was one he did not advocate for), some very nasty things were "said" by some parents.  Instead of questioning the decision that was made, which is perfectly reasonable, a few parents resorted to flinging mud.  They accused the board of having an agenda and working for 10 months to accomplish that agenda.  I honestly felt like I was back in high school.  And what made the whole situation so hurtful was that the parents that flung mud knew the members of the board personally.  Interestingly, what was "said" was through the safety and distance of email... not one person had the nuts to say their accusations in person.  Chief told me in the mist of the initial mud slinging that he knows what he did and why he did the things he did, so the nasty comments did not mean much to him.  Wow.  How is that for the high road?

Through it all, I have stayed on the high road... at least in the public eye.  But let me tell you, I have flung mud and wallowed on the low road behind closed doors.  It is too long a story to tell and really not worth the time or effort to retell.  As time has passed, I have learned it really does not matter.  I have learned that my issues are not with a lot of people, just a few so I can keep things in perspective.  And while I won't forget who threw the mud so quickly at my husband (and indirectly our family), I know God knows the situation, he knows the people involved and will judge all accordingly.

My first reaction was not to pray through this.  But over the last few weeks I have.  And, I have some peace over the situation.  I will continue to walk with my eyes on the high road and maybe a little wiser... I know I will eye-ball the low road though (who am I kidding).  But I will pray that God helps keep me off it.

I thought of this ..."When you sling mud at people, some will inevitably stick to you."  I know all this is more of a reflection on the other people, but… it still hurts.  And, another piece of advice... do not ever say anything in email that you are not willing to say to someone in person.

Birthday Post

My oldest child turned 11 last week.  It is hard to believe I have been a Mom for over a decade.  And even harder to believe is that my first born is so old.  How can that be?

Soccer Girl is an amazing kid.  She is wise beyond her years and always has been.  She is my worrier… I have taken to calling her Wart, as in worry wart.  She worries over us getting speeding tickets, over a sound she hears outside…she worries about being late anywhere we go.  She Hates. Being. Late.  While her worrying seems unreasonable at times, it is only because she cares.

She has a huge heart.  Last year on our Christmas cards, I wrote that she has a "quiet heart" for God.  She is my kid who silently prays when we see a homeless person or upon hearing about someone who has been hurt or is sick.  She prays for her friends and family that do not know Jesus and worries (again my wart) that they will not be in heaven with her.  I could certainly take a lesson or two from her.

I am so proud of her.  She is a good student, a good friend and a good sister.  While Lizard and Little Man drive her crazy, especially now that she has hit the "tween" years, she loves them and looks out for them.

I can foresee the upcoming years are going to have some rough patches ahead for the two of us.  But, I will do my best to carve out that special time she craves and let her know through my actions (it is true that they speak louder than words) that she means the world to me and that no matter what, I am proud and love her beyond words.

Happy Birthday Sweet Girl.  I Love You.  

It Has Been Awhile...

I can not believe I have not posted anything since the beginning of September.  It has been a crazy few months with lots of changes for us.

The biggest change is that I started another part time job!  It was one of the first resumes I sent out and I got the job.  It was truly a "careful what you wish for" type of feeling.  I can not believe with how many people out there looking for work right now, I got it.  I feel very blessed.  It is part time Monday-Friday in the mornings only…. I am back home by 1 o'clock.  Mondays are long though since I moved my other part time job to the afternoon.  And also on Monday I do my third part time job after the kids go to sleep.  But overall, I like the people and the job.  I am using my brain which is a very good thing.  And, it has added a cushion to our budget which was the desired result.

It is funny, the hardest thing I struggled with was having to move Little Man from his preschool to a whole new day care/preschool set up.  He did really well with his old preschool teacher despite how much of a challenge he could be.  I could have pieced together care for him during the week and keep him there, but he would have had four different care givers during the week.  And that would have only been through the end of the year.  That was not going to work on many levels, but most importantly, it was not fair to him to shuttle him around so much.  So we made the decision to make a complete change.

It has been the best move for him.  He LOVES his new preschool and teacher.  Just yesterday when I picked him up, we were walking out to the car and he said "I just love this place."  Oh Little Man, I do too!  While he has had some difficulties, he has not seemed to struggle with behaving like he did at his old preschool.  They see how smart he is and what a sense of humor he has.  They see him positively, not negatively.  I so need to hear that when it comes to my Little Man.

Since I pick him up after all the other kids that are still there have gone down for rest/nap time, he has to sit at a table and quietly play and wait for me.  I thought this would be a big negative.  But it has turned out to be wonderful for him.  He is getting about 30-40 minutes of one on one time with a teacher, sometimes two!  He is coloring, practicing his letter and using flash cards.

And, he is at a home daycare on Mondays with a wonderful loving, Christian women from our church.  He can snuggle on the couch if he needs too.  And, she also does formalized preschool activities with the kids so he is getting five days a week of "education."  Fabulous.

The girls are enjoying their new found responsibility of getting themselves to school.  They have worked together well and Soccer Girl has really stepped up to look out for Lizard.  They have surprised me.  They are doing the chores I leave for them and getting their reading done all before school.  Yah for responsible children!

It is funny how everything fell into place and the timing of it all.  The location, the hours, Little Man's care, the girls stepping up...The answer to prayer is not lost on me.

The other fun thing that has happened is the number of photography jobs I have gotten.  I have done five senior portraits sessions in the last three months and have a family session coming up this weekend.  I love it!  I has been hard to balance the time commitment it takes in editing the photos with all that has been going on.  But it really has been fun.  I see my photography as a fun creative outlet for me, a much needed service for people looking for good affordable photographs (did you know that senior pictures can cost upwards of a $1000… can you believe someone would pay that and that someone would have the nerve to charge that?!) and something that earns us some extra spending money.  A win-win-win!

As I am getting use to the new schedule, I think I will be back to posting more often.  I have lots rattling around in my brain that I think needs to be written… thoughts on working more and how that impacts me and how I view myself as a Mom, updates on Little Man, making things a priority that should be…. lots in my brain.  I am feeling a little less frazzled so I think I can begin to formulate my thoughts so I can document this time.  After all, the name of my blog is "simply capturing life" so I should do that, capture our life.

Start of Another School Year

All three kids started school yesterday.  Backpacks were ready and lunches made the night before (we have turned their lunch making responsibility over to the girls – yahoo!).  Clothes picked out, baths and all were asleep early.  We were ready!  I took the obligatory photos in the morning on our front porch, in front of the bush with yellow flowers, in front of the hydrangeas, and the stairs with the backpacks.  Soccer girl has it down by now, directly the other two where to go next.  Little Man cooperated and I got some fun shots of the three of them.  Such a great day and a bittersweet one too.

Soccer girl started 5th grade… her last year in elementary school.  She seemed very nervous, but excited to start the year.  She has always been my worrier and wears her emotions on her sleeve.  I hope for a challenging year for her that prepares her for middle school… academically, socially and emotionally.  And, I am just saying, but the kids in her class look so big.  I swear there was one boy who was a tall as me.  I am ready for this, but on the other hand, I am so NOT ready for this. 

Lizard started 2nd grade.  She was a trooper and eased into her class.  She was quiet from nerves, but also very confident.  I think Lizard will do well as she leaves the ease of first grade.  She is eager to do big girl things and hopefully this will be the year she comes onto her own and matures.  She is looking forward to getting homework.  Hopefully second grade will meet her expectations.

Little Man started 3’s preschool.   He was so excited, wearing his backpack and carrying his lunch box even when walking the girls to their school.  He did well and other than telling me he did not want me to go, he seemed to be having fun.  I was able to leave and sneak around and watch him.  I am curious to see what this year brings for him.  

Since I am stealing this from a friend’s facebook post I can not claim any brilliance in writing it, but I think it sums up my wish for my kids this year…

May you find a friend that likes you because you are nice, not because you are cool.  May you have a teacher that makes you eager to learn, not just eager to please.  May you treat all your peers equal, not just the one’s that you want to impress.  May your year be blessed and your memories rich. 

It is Hard to Grow Up

This summer has been a whirlwind... I am actually not looking forward to school starting... just yet.  Usually I am ready for school to be back in session a few weeks after the kids get out, but not this summer.  And, I am not sure exactly why.

Maybe I know I will have to be earnest in my job search (although I am coming around to the idea of working more and have put out a few feelers already).  Maybe I know now that the grind of making lunches gets old by about day three.  Maybe it is because my youngest is starting preschool (how can that be?).  Maybe because we have not had as much arguing this summer as last summer (still lots of bickering, but not as much or is it that I am getting immune to it?).  I think maybe the main reason is that my oldest is starting her last year of elementary school.  

Her little kid days are very numbered and I realize that.  The things she wants to do, the discussions she wants to have, the questions she asks are not little kids things any more for the most part.  Soccer girl has always been mature for her age and very observant of life and things going on around her.  We have even had to have the “birds and the bees talk” with her well over a year ago when she was 9 or so because the subject came up among her friends.  Bless Chief’s “Dad of a Daughter” heart when he initially told her to wait and we would talk about it when they saw the “movie” in school.  Can’t get away with waiting that long in this day and age.  And the wonder of Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy are long out of the bag.  Sigh.

The age span between my kids has been very evident this summer.  What entertains a 3 year old does not really entertain a 10.5 year old.  The most recent example was last week when I told the kids we were meeting friends at the park (where she is the oldest kid in the group), “we are going to a park, really do we have to?”  Kids want to play at the park, for pete sakes... right?

It is a struggle to let Soccer Girl do things, while Lizard pouts because she does not get to do all that fun stuff.  It is hard for a seven year old to be the one who is told no all the time.  Soon her circle will expand, but not soon enough for her.   
  

So I am letting the last few weeks of summer unfold, buying school supplies and a few new clothes.  The last few play dates and sleepovers have been scheduled.  It is hard for kids to grow up these days, but I think it is even harder for this Mom to let them grow up.  

Six Simple Words

The girls have fairly large white boards in their new rooms. They love to play school all the time and use them a lot. Money well spent if you are pondering getting one. One of the fun outcomes of having those boards is our nightly ritual of writing something on each board before the kids go to bed. Sometime I write; sometimes Chief writes… sometimes both… sometimes the girls write to each other. The girls love to read what we wrote before they go to bed or when they wake up, if we do it after they are asleep. It has been a really easy way to encourage them, give advice, joke, practice math facts or whatever. They love it and we do too!

One night a few weeks ago I wrote on Soccer Girl's board. She was really tired from lots of activities – soccer practice, speed and agility training (holy smokes!), play dates, a sleep over and a soccer tournament. She was a little overwhelmed and just plain exhausted. I wrote a few things and then wrote…”remember to rest, read, play, pray, listen and love this week”. I had not started out writing with those thoughts in my mind, but as I wrote rest and read (trying to encourage her to lay low and not be on the go so much), the other words just flowed out of my hand… to the lime green marker I was using… to the white board.

Now several weeks later, those six words are still on her board, written up in a corner in small print. I noticed the other day that she had now underlined them. I have thought of those six words a lot since then. I think they are brilliant, if I do say so myself. Each is so simple in meaning, but has so much impact.

Rest… everyone needs true rest from life’s busyness; time to themselves, just for themselves.
Read… there is so much to learn, adventures to take and humor in books. So much can be gained by making time to read.
Play… taking the time to truly play and enjoy life does a lot for your mind and body.
Pray… so much peace and focus comes from praying.
Listen… we all can learn so much more if we stop talking and stop our brains to just listen to others.
Love… how much better would this world be if we let others know how much we love them? Show them with your actions and words (and the thoughts in your head).

So while I may have written those six words down for my daughter, I think I also wrote those six words for myself. Words to live by…six simple words.

What is Happening?

My Little Man has been in big boy underwear one week as of tonight! He just kind of started on his own last Tuesday evening and I looked at my schedule and thought let’s go for it. I was able to be home for the most part for 6 days straight before he had to go back to the babysitter today.

He has done so well! I am so proud of him. He still is having some accidents (mostly with the whole poop thing, sigh…). But, for the most part, he is holding it for long stretches of time and gets himself there. Since he is so stubborn, I figured it would take much longer for him to get it. We are not out of the woods for sure, but we are well on our way. Well done, my Big Boy!

I so want him potty trained, but am sad that my diapering days are pretty much behind me. I love the crinkle sound of the diaper when my little ones toddle by and the smell of Desitin, oh man, I love it. I joked with Chief that I might just buy some so I can smell it when I need a baby fix.

The remodel is done… Soccer Girl is in her own room and Lizard has her own room back! Their rooms are painted and they love having their OWN space. They have asked to sleep with each other many more times than I expected already. Maybe somewhere beneath all the bickering, they will truly be friends.

Chief’s new job is going well. He is able to work from home quite a bit which has been great, but also required some adjustment on our part. I think the best part is that he is not being micro-managed and trusted to do his job. I can see his confidence returning and he is so much happier. I am so happy for him.

Summer vacation starts next week. I am looking forward to the more relaxed schedule, but also know that causes trouble for us. I am going to do my best to have a plan each day. We need a focus and activities to keep everyone from getting on each other’s nerves. It will be a challenge to keep all three entertained as what is exciting to a 3 year old is not so much to a 10 year old or even a 7 year old. But, I will do my best.

I am going to start looking for another part time job to hopefully add to or if need be replace my current jobs. We have long wanted some more financial breathing room each month and have finally decided that I need to earn some more income to do that. The trick now is what to look for… I do not want to be tied to a job 9-5, commute and all that – never again! I want to be home when the kids get home, I want to hear about their day first hand, and most important, know the teachers and their friends and their parents, etc. The trick is that I do not know what I want to do so it is hard to even look. I do not want to HR any more. After 20 years, I am done with it. I want something from home ideally that allows me the flexibility to be home when my babies get home.

I am struggling (or probably more accurately dragging my feet) with the idea of working more. I haven’t really pin-pointed why yet. It is not because I don’t want people to know we need more financial flow each month – I could careless about that – I am putting it on the internet for Pete’s sake. I think it is the idea of not being home for my kids and the perception that I have failed them somehow. I really don’t know. I have always worked either part time or full time. I do not have an issue with putting my kids in childcare; I honestly think it is good for them. I also know that I am not the best stay at home mom. I frustrate easily and am bored. How can someone not be good at being with their kids? That could be a big part of it too.

I want so much for us to have some extra to do things (not a lot of extra, just a little bit) – like a vacation, like proper repairs on the house or upgrades. Most of our “vacations” are typically visiting family and while that is wonderful, it does not create family memories for the five of us. It is not an experience that the kids will remember and look back on. While I am not a “keep up with the Jones” type of person, it is hard at times when friends or family are renting houseboats for a week in the summer or re-doing their floors. I am not judging anyone on how or why they spend their money. It would just be nice for us to have the freedom to do some of those things without going into debt to do them and being able to keep my current schedule. I guess it is just hard to swallow that it will not happen.

My struggle continues and my half-hearted search continues…maybe the perfect job will land in my lap tomorrow? I just hope I recognize it when it lands.

So that is the update around here and my record of what is happening at this time for my little family.

One Proud Mom

I am so proud of my Soccer Girl! She had her competitive soccer tryouts this past weekend. She made it! Soccer Girl is a very good soccer player – a great passer, very calm on the field – she does not get flustered, good ball handling skills - she can dribble the ball through people, and understands the game and the position she is playing. Where she can fall down is in her aggressiveness. She gets “offended” if the other team is pushing too much. It is quite comical really that she gets offended over something like that in soccer. Sometimes after a game she will go on and on about how they were shoving or whatever. At one game, I went down the side line to where she was playing defense and caught her attention. I said “don’t let them run you off the ball.”  My Soccer Girl mouths the words to me “they are shoving” while lifting her arms out to illustrate. So I promptly yelled back, rather loudly so my point was made, “then SHOVE them back” much to her dismay (and probably to the opponents parents who heard me). As a side note, I don’t say much from the sidelines as I am usually chasing Little Man, but I felt my motherly instincts kick in at that game.

So we have to remind her often that it is okay to shove to fight for the ball, to not let the other players run her off and to let them know she can hold her own. I have even resorted to paying her a dollar if she gets a good shove in to get the ball or if she runs someone into the boards in indoor games to get a ball. To clarify – we do NOT encourage her to play dirty or unfairly. We DO encourage her to use her skills, fight for the ball when she needs to and to not let the other player “run over her” – all fair in proper soccer play.

So on Sunday – it all came together for her. She “showed up” (as I told her) to show them what she can do. It was so fun to watch her and all the girls play their hardest and show off their skills for the evaluators. She loves soccer and playing the sport with her friends. I am so happy for her. And what a good life lesson…if you go into something prepared and do it with focus, you can be successful. As we know, life does not always turn out that way even if you are prepared and focused, but it was a perfect lesson for her, right now. Just perfect! Yes, I am one proud Mom.

Ramblings of a "Would-Be" Fly

I often would like to be a fly on the wall of my friend’s homes. Not out of some crazy “I like to snoop” type thing. It is really just to see if I am a typical Mom in my daily struggles. I often feel like I am the only one who could possibly have such frustrations and annoyances. Now friends will commiserate with me about the struggles and frustrations with their kids or whatever. But, come on, do they really have it as bad as me? (I say that with sarcasm). Hence, the fly on the wall idea.

It would really be a good reality check for me. Little Man is mentally and physically exhausting most days. Lizard is snuggly happy one minute then screaming mad within the next nano-second. Soccer Girl is a tween with all the hormones starting to do their thing; really stuck in that middle ground of being a little girl and a teenager. How would my friends handle my daily messes?

I have the best kids in the world, a great marriage, we are healthy, and have food to eat and a roof over our heads. Why then, am I exasperated much of the day? I think part of is that parenting is much harder than I ever imagine…I regret lots of the choices I make as a Mom…I feel like an unappreciated maid many days…I miss time with just Chief…

We tell the kids often to choose differently so you get a different outcome. That is great advice to dish out, but much harder to follow myself. There are days when I can choose differently…change my tone of voice, give choices, spend the quality time I need to with my family. But then there are days that I am mentally “done” before I have even gone downstairs and bark orders like a drill sergeant.

I am in a season of mental “doneness” right now. Chief said to me last night that I don’t seem happy. Honestly, deep down I am happy. What appears as unhappiness is probably frustration, tiredness and an underlying feeling that the tough parenting falls to me most of the time. I get that this is the nature of my “job” to be home with the kids. It is a choice we have made and one I would not change. But, who knew it would be so much harder for me then going to a 9-5 traditional job every day.

I have sometimes rolled my eyes at the advice “take care of yourself first so you can take care of others.” I am finding some truth to that at this time of my life, especially today.  I think I am going to have to reprioritize things and put myself near the top. If I continue down this path, it is going to get bumpy and ugly. I don’t want that and neither does my family.

So…if you see a fly on your wall that looks a bit like me, I am not snooping, really. I am just trying to make sure that I am okay.

Sometimes it Takes a Two by Four

We searched for my wedding ring for an hour and a half.  I cried and I mean really cried; sobs that did nothing to help find it but did reflect how I felt.  I was kind of surprised by my reaction.  I have always loved my ring.  But in that hour and a half, I realized my ring is the one material posession that I love deeply.  I love looking at it... love when the sunlight catches it just right and little rainbows appear... love the weight of it... love the coolness of it when I put in on.  My ring is insured, so I could replace it financially.  But when faced with the idea of not having MY ring - the one Chief put on my hand - I realized I did not want it replaced.  I wanted MY ring and all that goes with it. 

I should back up just a bit.  I took my ring off to go running Saturday morning and put it in it's normal spot on the back of the sink on the little stopper thingy.  After returning from my run and getting ready, I reached for my ring.  It was not there.  I immediately knew Little Man had gotten a hold of it.  In the past, he put a gold band down the over flow drain the sink.  So I figured he put it in there.  I started to panic.  I started searching, everyone started searching.  Chief took the sink apart, but it was not in there.  To really know if it was caught in the sink, we would have to remove it (and probably replace it and repair the tile).  I started to cry.  I could not imagine where it was.  Chief figured he threw it (like he does most stuff).  We looked high and low, I tried to convince Little Man to take Mommy to where he put my ring.  Nothing. 

Finally, I started to pray.  I asked God to please let us find it.  I thought about posting on facebook - "prayers needed right now."  And, you know what?  About 5 minutes after I prayed, Soccer Girl found it.  She found it on top of a dresser in our room behind a picture.  Little Man did throw it and it landed up there.  I had just looked on that dresser.  Coincidence, I don't think so. 

My first reaction is not usually to pray... it takes me a while to think of that.  It took a two by four Saturday morning for me to realize I need to take my requests, desperate needs, and worries to God first!  I can't do this by myself.  God, I might need a few more two by fours before I really get it.  But I certainly got it Saturday morning, loud and clear.  I did not miss it.  Thank you.