I have written about other's view of Little Man and his behavior before. While I do not typically vent publicly very often, I am angry. When it involves my kids, I will come out swinging. I will protect my kids. Little Man is starting kindergarten. I will protect him. What has been said about him over the year's hurts, makes me angry and makes me want me to call "bullshit" now (to use a term from my friend). It has been said that if we (Chief and I) disciplined Little Man more, he would behave. This was just brought up to me again recently.
I call bullshit! We have raised two well mannered, polite children before Little Man. It is absolutely ignorant to think that Chief and I just need to discipline him more for him to behave properly. Why would we throw discipline out the window with our third child?
He has been evaluated by professionals (people with actual degrees and qualifications - not some archaic 1950s viewpoint). EVERYONE has agreed that he is a kid with ADHD. Look it up, actually do some research. His brain works differently than our brains do. Therefore, the typical parenting/discipline does NOT work with him. If it did, he would be a model child (like my other two). Disciplining him more, spanking him, yelling at him, or whatever other's think we need to be doing more of, IS NOT the answer. The poor kid is disciplined more than my other two children EVER were. Just because you do not see a "disability" does not mean it does not exist. Just because you don't understand something does not mean it does not exist.
His behavior is pervasive in all aspects of his life. He is constantly in "fight" mode over most everything. We typically go into "fight" mode psychologically when our safety or the safety of our loved ones is involved. Little Man's brain goes into "fight" mode over something as simple as asking him to put on his shoes. His brain works differently. If you take the time to look at him… really look at him… you can see the turmoil in his eyes. And while he may "behave" for others at times, if anyone spends any extended time with him, they will see his daily struggles despite their "model" parenting skills or disciplinary actions.
It hurts me deeply that people that know us, believe the answer to his problem is for us to discipline him more (or we would not be having these problems with him if we had done it sooner). Have you not heard us for the last 3 years? Have you not paid attention? Have you not done some research to try to understand what we are saying? You obviously do not know us and you do not know Little Man. It makes me really sad to think that nothing will change some people's viewpoint, even if we handed out copies of his testing and evaluations.
It angers me that our parenting (or apparent lack thereof) is a topic of discussion. Judging our parenting is up to God - no one else. It is holier than thou, ignorant and shameful. I am not willing to put my child in a situation where he is judged constantly any more. And, I am not willing to put myself in a situation where our parenting and every comment is under scrutiny. Decisions will be different for our family going forward. If that offends people, too bad.
If disciplining him more would allow us to go in public and not be embarrassed by his behavior, don't you think we would?
If disciplining him more would allow him to focus in school without constant teacher intervention, don't you think we would?
If disciplining him more stopped me from crying after hearing how his day went, don't you think we would?
If disciplining him more would allow us to do more fun things as a family, like hike Multnomah Falls, don't you think we would?
If disciplining him more allowed us to not worry about his future ability to hold down a job and relationships, don't you think we would?
If disciplining him more meant we did not need to resort to medication, don't you think we would?
If disciplining him more meant I did not sigh with relief when Little Man and the neighbor's daughter did NOT get in the same kindergarten class because I did not want his struggles at school to be a topic of discussion for them, don't you think we would?
If disciplining him more saved us hundred's of dollars in doctor's bills and medication, don't you think we would?
If disciplining him more got him an invitation like everyone else to a class birthday party, don't you think we would?
If disciplining him more stopped the negative comments made by other children to Little Man, don't you think we would?
Gee, why didn't WE think of THAT? If it were only THAT simple.